Proctor, my hind it’s quite severe
Anal warts blanket my rear and I’m griping
What unpleasant circumstance

I have suffered long enough
Now toilet paper’s much too rough when I’m wiping
I can’t wait to drop my pants


Proctor, my hind
Probe me with your tongs
No, I don’t mind spreading my butt cheeks all night long


Is it a cauliflower sprout?
I’ll let you ‘finger’ this one out
‘Cause I’m clueless with my ass strapped in a sling

I don’t care how much you’ll bill
And if you’re not all that gentle as long as something’s
Done to end my suffering


Proctor my hind
Help me get ’em off
No, I don’t mind
My bending over while I cough


Proctor, behind
Take my butt to task
What did you find?
God, I’m afraid to even ask