[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK. THE STAGE IS DARK ]


NARRATOR
Brad and Angelina's relationship continues its downward spiral. It reaches a new low during the filming of Mr And Mrs Smith 2.
Furious with Brad, Ange decides to teach him a lesson by putting live rounds in her machine-gun.
During rehearsal, the scene unfolds as usual, except that this time she riddles him with lead.

[ SOUND OF MACHINE-GUN FIRE ]

[ BRAD COLLAPSES, DEAD. ANGELINA SUDDENLY REALISES WHAT SHE HAS DONE ]

ANGELINA
OMIGOD, Brad! Oh my darling! I am SO SO sorry! I'm SUCH a wild and crazy girl! I don't think I fully considered the consequences of my actions. I am SUCH a bitch. Wow, all in all it seems to go, you don't know what you've got "til it's gone..

[ ANGELINA CRIES AND HUGS BRAD TIGHTLY. OUT OF THE CORNER OF HER EYE SHE SPOTS A MAGAZINE WITH THE COVER-TITLE "BRANGELINA – A LOVE STORY" SUDDENLY SHE WIPES HER TEARS AND STRAIGHTENS HER SHOULDERS IN STEELY RESOLVE ]

ANGELINA
There is only one thing I can do. You can't spell BRANGELINA without "BR.."(dramatic pause)and you also can't spell BRANGELINA without(even more dramatic pause)"ANGELINA"


[ ANGELINA TURNS THE GUN ON HERSELF. SHE COLLAPSES DEAD ON TOP OF BRAD IN REVERSE-CAMBODIAN-MISSIONARY POSITION ]


[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK ]


WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
(gob-smacked)
Wow! That is one kick-ass romantic tragedy!



Curtain





Post Mortem:

In a Robert Altman-like post-modern existential twist, in Los Angeles, the real Angelina Jolie goes to her letterbox and notices a private letter.
It's from a writer by the name of Royce Miller, who has been watching the development of "BRANGELINA" on the Amiright website with some bemusement. Angelina opens and reads the letter...




"Don't Mind Their Pleas, Angelina"
Parody by Royce Miller

ROYCE
(in voice-over)
They hope you're easy, I think they're strange
They all try to explain how they feel
Seems they all want your love and they're sick, every one

You'd best believe me
They're all gathered around, in the woods
They see you dressed up in your cape
You're beautiful, even in hoods

I know they cannot help it, they cannot change
And they're loving your legs in those heels
Oh your skin is so flawless, you stay out of the sun

So run for freedom!
Salivating, they're all looking for you
But they don't impress you at all?
I never expected them to

Chorus:
Don't mind their pleas, Angelina
The truth is, they're off their rockers
They make their forays
With much persistence
So keep your distance, they love your knockers!

They've lost their marbles, you fan the flame
You cannot envision all this
And it seems very clear you are all they desire

They got delusions
They're not the ba ba sheep like they want to seem
They're writing bout you all the time
Just get on to grandma's, you dream

Don't mind their pleas, Angelina
The truth is, you're on my last nerve
They make their forays
With much persistence
They love your long legs
Just keep your distance!

Have we said too much?
There's nothing more I can say, but I'm warning you
And all you have to do is look at Amiright
I'm telling you the truth

Don't mind their pleas, Angelina!

[Angelina folds and returns the letter to its envelope]



ANGELINA
(thoughtfully)
Hmm, maybe Brad and I should check out this Amiright website.