[ THE BLUE SPOT FADES TO BLACK. THE STAGE IS DARK ]


NARRATOR
Angelina maintains her spirits by throwing herself into her work. She accepts the role of an evil Asian martial arts expert in the biopic "BRUCE".
A stuntman dressed as a woman is provided for her, but despite the director's protests, Angelina insists on doing her own stunts.

ANGELINA
Yeah duh, I'm a girl, Woody, but I'm a wild girl! I do all my stunts. They're easy! In fact I have a particularly cunning stunt that would knock the stuffing out of any man.

WOODY ALLEN
I know, Ange – it's not like I don't surf the net. But after yesterday's painful performance, I'm not risking my female lead again today


[ A BLUE SPOT FADES UP, HIGHLIGHTING A SINGLE CHAIR IN THE MIDDLEOF AN EMPTY STAGE. WOODY ALLEN IS SITTING ON THE CHAIR ]


"Don't Fight Bruce Lee, Angelina"
by the_conqueror_of_parodies

WOODY ALLEN
You think it's easy, you don't feel pain
However hard you're hit, no pain felt
Yet I still say you're mad, after all, he's a champ

You don't hear me
All you will see are some stars 'round your head
Although you woke on count of 'Nine!'
You're dizzy and covered with bruise

I have to stop it happ'ning, I have to say
"Do not fight that tough man, or you'll keel"
Looking on from the sidelines, watching him bash your bum

You cannot trick 'im
Running around, ev'ry tactic ain't new
And no trick impressed him at all
We never expected them to

Don't fight Bruce Lee, Angelina
The truth is you'll turn black and blue
All through ev'ry round
I kept my distance
You lost insurance
Pain does exist, miss

And you lost fortunes, how will you pay?
I'll never pay them, sucked in!
Though it seems to your fans they were all just mislead

You see illusions
They are not the protrusion of too many drinks
They're from when Bruce smashed your face
I sent you the hospital fee

Don't fight Bruce Lee, Angelina

Don't fight Bruce Lee, Angelina
The truth is hospitals are few
All though all around
They kept their distance
No more insurance
You lost existence

Have I been too harsh?
There's nothing more the doctors can do to save you
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every bruise is blue