On a cold winter's evening
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with a clogga
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-staring
At the restroom at the darkness
The boredom overtook us
And he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of clogging people's toilets
And knowing how their bowl looked
By the way they held their eyes.
So if you don't mind my saying
I can see you're out of bungwipe
For a taste of your Pepsi
I'll give you some advice."

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a Snickers bar
And asked me for a Sprite
And the night got deathly quiet
And his face lost all expression
Said, "If you're gonna clog the john, boy,
You gotta learn to clog it right.

You got to know when to flush 'em,
Know when to plunge 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.
You never flush your bungwipe
When you're sitting on the loud chair.
There'll be time enough for flushing
When the pooping's done.

Every clogga knows
That the secret to stuffing up the john
Is knowing what to flush away
And knowing what to keep.
'Cause every loo's a winner,
And every loo's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for
Is to flood where they peep."

And when he finished speaking
He turned back toward the restroom
Spit out his Snickers bar
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The clogga he broke even
And in his final words
I found TP that I could keep

You got to know when to flush 'em,
Know when to plunge 'em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run.
You never flush your bungwipe
When you're sitting on the loud chair.
There'll be time enough for flushing
When the pooping's done.

You've got to know when to flush 'em
(When to flush 'em)
Know when to plunge 'em
(When to plunge 'em)
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never flush your bungwipe
When you're sitting on the loud chair.
There'll be time enough for flushing
When the pooping's done.

You got to know when to flush 'em
Know when to plunge 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never flush your bungwipe
When you're sitting on the loud chair.
There'll be time enough for flushing
When the pooping's done.