There's a town... out in south country
No zip code, it's just an R.F.D.
Near Mount Pilot, it's called Mayberry
Where life moves pretty slow

And there's a man, in this quiet town
And he works, keepin' crime rate down
They say Andy's deputy's a clown
And his name is Barney Fife

The people say,
"Andy, you're a fine man" (you're a fine man)
"What a sheriff you could be" (such a fine man)
"If it wasn't for your bumbling deputy"

Andy wears no tie or gun
He lets Otis sleep it off in jail cell one
And Opie's his only son
They've got no mother or wife

He lives there with his Aunt Bee
Courts the gal who's taught Opie
Strums guitar while they drink sweetened tea
On his front porch each night

His friends all say,
"Andy, what a fine girl" (what a fine girl)
"What a good wife she would be" (such a fine girl)
"You could do a whole lot worse than that Helen C."

Yeah, Andy used to drive her up
To Mount Pilot for a movie
The squad car's windows steaming up
'Cause they'd be gettin' groovy

But she saw Andy 'n Barney with, lord, those "fun time girls," and then
She told herself she'd swear off all lawmen

At night when the stars come out
Andy's called to a mountain route
A window's broke by some hick lout
He still can hear him say

He hears him say,
"Andy, she's a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"That Charlene is meant for me" (such a fine girl)
"And you all sure ain't seen the last of... Ernest T!"

"Andy, she's a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"Though I'm just some hillbilly" (such a fine girl)
"Now I'll serenade her with '"Eatin' Goober Peas...'"