(Spoken)
**Meat Loaf**
(Talking to the Dr. Pepper Legal Clearance Dude)
One time, my wife and I were driving up to the movie theater, and we got lost. And I was too chicken to ask for directions! (Laughs hysterically!)

(Sung)
Baby we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere
I told you Lincoln Drive is where we would turn
The Middle of Nowhere, we are
And maybe you can cry all night
But that'll never change the way that I drive
Don't think that I am running right inside
The only way I would is soda

'Kay, I'll go in and I will come out
I'll try to be the first man to ask directions
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em
I'll come back with soda instead of beers

(Meat Loaf goes into the 7-Eleven where the cashier bears a striking resemblence to Jim Steinman)

"Excuse me, I'm trying to get to 124 Paradise Avenue --"
"Hey, aren't you Meat Loaf? The singer?
And I would dooo Aaaaanythiiiiiing for looooooove--"
"Yes, that's me."
"You rock, man! I've got all your albums! Anyway, just take a left on 13th and you're there. If you want a Dr. Pepper, it's free!"
"Sure, why not? By the way, has anybody told you that you look like Jim Steinman?"
"No, I get told I look like Pat Boone when he made that Heavy Metal album."

(Later, back in the car...)

And all I can do is keep on telling you
I was right
You goofed up
But -- there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
If I was wrong
'Cause two out of three ain't bad
Now don't be sad
'Cause left on 13th ain't bad

I also got a can of Diet Dr. Pepper
It really tastes no different from regular
I know it's silly, but the cashier is a Jim Steinman clone
But there ain't no endorsement deal hiding at the bottom of a soda pop can

Take a right
Take a left, you will soon be on 13th
No matter how I tried
I never was able
To get the right street
(It's) Something that I just haven't got

There's only one soda I will ever love
And that is Dr. Pepper, you know
And when will Jim complete his next Bat Out of Hell?
He never calls me back
Ooh I know
I remember all the Grammys on that stormy night
I drank Dr. Pepper before bed
And though I pleaded and I begged that I drink some water
She packed on pounds by drinking some pop

Though I don't call that stuff pop
'Cause I'm a Texan dude
'Cause I'm a Texan dude
I want some
I'm thirsty
You can sing the rest of this stupid song while I
Take one big sip

(Meat Loaf drinks the Dr. Pepper while his wife, who looks and sounds exactly like Ellen Foley, sing the rest of the song)

'Cause left on 13th ain't bad
We're thirsty
Meat, honey
Did you give us some, are you going back in?
Now don't be sad
'Cause left on 13th ain't bad
Get the pop
Then left on 13th ain't bad

Baby we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere