Trans Activists Say Drag In Front Of Kids Isn't Happening And Also They Will Burn The Statehouse Down If You Ban It

https://babylonbee.com/news/leftists-say-drag-in-front-of-kids-isnt-happening-and-also-they-will-burn-the-statehouse-down-if-you-ban-it

NASHVILLE, TN — Trans activists have descended on Tennessee's state capital today, proclaiming that drag shows in front of small children don't even happen, and also that they will burn the statehouse to the ground if lawmakers attempt to ban the practice.

"Be warned, Republicans, we will murder you all and destroy this entire building if you attempt to restrict our right to dance in drag in front of kids," said community organizer Sugga Spanx, (she/them). "Uh... not that that's happening or anything. Gross. Stop making up stuff that doesn't even happen, you sickos!"

Experts have confirmed that drag in front of kids has never happened and will never happen, and agree that Republicans are simply trying to gin up fear and resentment of trans people. "We're not sure where this came from!" said expert and part-time drag performer Damien Abaddon as a 5-year-old stuffed a $20 bill in his g-string. "Why all this Republican obsession with kids? Pretty creepy, if you ask me!"

At publishing time, the activists also confirmed that trans surgery on minors is not happening and they will bathe the entire country in blood if anyone tries to ban it.

Biology Textbook Arrested For Transphobia

https://babylonbee.com/news/biology-textbook-arrested-for-transphobia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Campbell's Biology Textbook, 11th Edition, was arrested on the charge of inciting violence after it repeatedly insisted that only women can get pregnant.

"Science is so unbelievably transphobic and has no place in our society," said law professor Samantha Middleton. "Textbooks that explain basic biological facts about women are essentially calls to violence. I'm grateful to finally see this menace behind bars, where it can no longer disagree with how I feel."

Prior to its incarceration, the biology textbook was subjected to intense interrogation by progressives. "We really tried to give science the chance to stop being so bigoted," said Senator Elizabeth Warren. "But no matter how much we yelled and screamed, the science book just sat there, stubbornly refusing to change its mind. Well! I hope it enjoys believing in objective reality while it rots in prison!"

Though previously well-respected, the biology textbook had come under fire over the past two years for "erasing" trans men. According to liberals, the book did so with its simultaneous claims that only females get pregnant, and that those females are, in fact, female. "Pretty bold claims this book is making here," said biologist Dr. Martin Stevenson. "I know this will ruffle some feathers out there, but I have to be honest here: females are females. I know that really makes a lot of people angry, though I still can't quite understand why."

At publishing time, Dr. Stevenson was thrown in prison along with J.K. Rowling, all Latin-based languages, and every textbook printed before 2021.

Well done! If leon muskovy's own kid has to leave the new maga ameriKKKa you know things are bad. But good news for the one guy: the maga just appointed him Tzar in charge of Amiright. ;-(

Wow, the ballot stuffers here are pathetic because this is a funny parody, not to mention a meaningful one! Salutations to the one righteous commenter called Zen.

I just cleaned out all the cookies to give this 338 111 votes.

them.us/story/vivian-jenna-wilson-elon-musk-grubby-little-control-freak-2024-election