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Song Parodies -> "Gollum's Rhapsody"
Original Song Title:
"Bohemian Rhapsody"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Queen
Parody Song Title:
"Gollum's Rhapsody"
Parody Written by:
The Comedian
The Lyrics
*** SPOILER ALERT *** DO NOT READ this parody if you want to be surprised about how "The Return Of The King" ends!
Where is my precious?
Baggins stole it from me!
That nasty hobbit
Grabbed it and escaped from me
Now I must find
That precious Ring I so need...
When I went hunting,
Sauron's orcs captured me
And they tortured me - very slow -
Made me speak - let me go -
Anywhere the Ring goes,
That is all that matters to me,
To me...
Precious...where are you now?
I miss you oh so much
Wish I had you in my clutch
Precious...I will search for you
I will find you and we'll both be whole again
Precious, oooo
Never thought we'd say good-bye
If I don't find you to-day or tomorrow
I'll search on, I'll search on, because you are all that matters...
What's thisss...two hobbitsesss...
They smell just like that liar
Baggins-thief who's from the Shire
They've got, you my precious! I've found you now!
Mustn't let them get away while they have you!
Precious, oooo (anywhere the Ring goes)
Hobbitsesss will die!
I'll make them wish they'd never worn you at all !
Pre-cious the little hobbitsesss commanded me:
Swear an oath! Swear an oath! Swear it on the pre-cious, oh!
Yesss, yesss, I shall swear it, may I guide you somewhere, please?
On to Mordor! (On to Mordor!)
On to Mordor! (On to Mordor!)
On to Mordor we must go - fulfill your oath !
Oh please not Mordor, that's where they hurt me!
Oh please not Mordor, that's where they tortured me!
If we go there then Sauron's Eye will see!
Hobbitsesss - sleeping now - what should I do now?
KILL THEM BOTH - Oh! - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
KILL THEM BOTH - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
KILL THEM BOTH - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
Should I kill them both - ah oh oh - yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, NO!
Oh precious help me, precious help me, precious help me, where to go?
Mount Doom - they want - to throw precious down inside so deep, so deep, SO DEEP
So you think to the Cracks of Doom you'll run and hide?
So you think you'll melt down my sweet precious inside?
Ohhhh Frodo - Nasty Ring-Bearer Frodo!
I'll bite it right off - I'll bite it right off of you here!
Gollum bit the Ring off,
Danced with joy and mirth -
Fell into the fire -
Gollum helped to save Middle-Earth...
...Anywhere the Ring goes...
Baggins stole it from me!
That nasty hobbit
Grabbed it and escaped from me
Now I must find
That precious Ring I so need...
When I went hunting,
Sauron's orcs captured me
And they tortured me - very slow -
Made me speak - let me go -
Anywhere the Ring goes,
That is all that matters to me,
To me...
Precious...where are you now?
I miss you oh so much
Wish I had you in my clutch
Precious...I will search for you
I will find you and we'll both be whole again
Precious, oooo
Never thought we'd say good-bye
If I don't find you to-day or tomorrow
I'll search on, I'll search on, because you are all that matters...
What's thisss...two hobbitsesss...
They smell just like that liar
Baggins-thief who's from the Shire
They've got, you my precious! I've found you now!
Mustn't let them get away while they have you!
Precious, oooo (anywhere the Ring goes)
Hobbitsesss will die!
I'll make them wish they'd never worn you at all !
Pre-cious the little hobbitsesss commanded me:
Swear an oath! Swear an oath! Swear it on the pre-cious, oh!
Yesss, yesss, I shall swear it, may I guide you somewhere, please?
On to Mordor! (On to Mordor!)
On to Mordor! (On to Mordor!)
On to Mordor we must go - fulfill your oath !
Oh please not Mordor, that's where they hurt me!
Oh please not Mordor, that's where they tortured me!
If we go there then Sauron's Eye will see!
Hobbitsesss - sleeping now - what should I do now?
KILL THEM BOTH - Oh! - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
KILL THEM BOTH - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
KILL THEM BOTH - but now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
now I love them so!
(kill them both!)
Should I kill them both - ah oh oh - yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, NO!
Oh precious help me, precious help me, precious help me, where to go?
Mount Doom - they want - to throw precious down inside so deep, so deep, SO DEEP
So you think to the Cracks of Doom you'll run and hide?
So you think you'll melt down my sweet precious inside?
Ohhhh Frodo - Nasty Ring-Bearer Frodo!
I'll bite it right off - I'll bite it right off of you here!
Gollum bit the Ring off,
Danced with joy and mirth -
Fell into the fire -
Gollum helped to save Middle-Earth...
...Anywhere the Ring goes...
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 12 | 13 | 13 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Guess that coffin won't stay shut. I didn't know Gollum had a car. With a clutch? Besides, we all read "Bored of the Rings" by the Harvard Lampoon. We know how it ends. With a large belch, right?
Rick - I absolutely loved "Bored of the Rings", what with Frito and Dildo and all....now THAT was parody and satire at its finest. And yes, I think it does end with a belch! (urrrrp). Merriam-Webster's online dictionary includes a definition of "clutch" as a noun meaning "the claws or a hand in the act of grasping or seizing firmly ". But I suppose if Gollum had a car he'd drive an automatic so he could keep one hand on the wheel and the other hand on his "precious" (hmmm, now THAT could have other meanings.....)
Looks like the CG movie Gollum doesn't have much to clutch.
LOL !
yep...bored of the rings is totally brilliant...loved it almost as much as the real thing!
Good job JD.
Thanks Guy!
Well done again plus thanks for savin' me eight bucks.
You're welcome Claude! And thanks!
Actually, it ends with a yawn. But this parody ends with a trilogy of fives! Spend eight bucks (or more?) to watch any of these movies, and you'll be saying, with the cast of that REAL fantasy franchise (if you'll pardon the oxymoron), "I've got a bad feeling about this!"
Fpr the first time anywhere, I award someone a 5-5-5 --congratulations!! :)
Gee Agri-- You grade on a tough curve.
Nice Agrimorfee, yesss, we likes your precious vote, yesss, you brought Smeagol's vote count up to 10 with the nice vote you cast today, November 10th --- oh thank you so much, yessss....yessss.....
We love parodies. Gollum Rules!!!
Thanks, Galadriel and Arwen!
On December 18th I will review this parody. Your spoiler alert came in REALLY handy. Thanks.
Return of the King comes out today!!!!!!!!!! Yahooooo! We get to see gollum's finest hour! Also it is Beetoven's birthday (the deaf composer) today and also a concert here! Where you ask? I will never say! But Return of the King comes out today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and the 100th anniversary of flight, but that is besides the point)
Hmmm...looking back, I thought I had commented on this...but I guess I never did. Of course I think it's fabulous, Johnny! You've never let me down...I voted 5s...
Friendly Elf, Gollum thanks you for your precious voteses, yessss ........
Haha, very good use of the song. Queen and LotR mix quite well ;^). I almost forgot about my promise. Better late than never, for the precious. And remember the universal answer to any question, "String or nothing".
I really thought I had voted on this. Thanks for making such an outstanding parody!
Thank you very much, 2nz and Adagio !
how articulately you delved into smeagol's schizophrenia.. just shaking my head in wonder about this one...you are truly one of the best parody authors on this site...bravo !
Aww shucks, alvin, I'm speechless - well, not entirely......I can say "Thank You!!"
(Fantasy/Sci-Fi) 5's already commented.
Thanks Pat.
(SCI-FI) Really well done. I only know bits and pieces of TOS so can't fully appreciate this epic.
Luke, thank you very much!
I could have sworn I commented on this one earlier - (especially with the Bored of the Rings comments, 'cause I loved BOTR, too). Super parody, JD
Thank you, Philbo.
(SCI-FI) Although I don't know much about LOTR since I have never seen any of these movies, I like the parody since it is BR, one of my favorite songs to parody. Well done JD.
Thanks, Guy.
Excellent Johnny!
Thank you, Jeff!
(SCi-Fi) Well, as someone who managed to sit through just under 1/2 of "Fellowship of The Rings" I know just enough about the Trilogy to know what you are talking about here. Fine job. Worth 5's across.
... and may I add great job on the pacing here. Truly the best Bohemian Rhapsody parody I have read here as a whole. Is precious, yes.
yet another amazing take on a great song! this one must have been real fun to work out .... fabulous as always Johnny
Thank you, Paul & 2nz & Martha!
funny funny shit!
Belated thanks, daniel!
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