Is a football song,
just mediocrity?
by some old has-been
you'll be hearing it constantly
support England, Oh and buy this record please
those from Big Brother, deserve no sympathy
because they're not so good, obviously, cheap as hell, and tacky
all of these England songs, never really bother the charts, the charts

England, are in Japan
this world cup we must endure
for a fortnight, maybe more

records, about England
are best left near the bin and thrown away

"Beckham, oo-oo-oooh"
as a lyrics not enough,
you've got to mention 1966 and
have a crowd, have a crowd
for the backing vocals

too bad - Ant & Dec's one
it's "fetch the earplugs" time
as they launch into their rhyme

goodbye Dean and Bubble
you've got to go
Big Brother was enough for us Thank-You

Seaman, Oo-oo-ooooh
that joke has been done
I sometimes want a "Three Lions" re-release

I hear a little song about David Beckham
Ferdinand, Ferdinand, Michael Owen, Andy Cole
Scholesey, Gerard, Heskey - Never meant that much to me
David Seaman (David Seaman), David Seaman (David Seaman)
David Seaman in the goal
An England Goal

God curse Paul Weller for allowing that song
(Going Underground would suit him perfectly
and a good song has been ruined you see)
Easy cash, easy cash, will you give me some
(Ant & Dec) no, you deserve to be shot
(This tune sucks) Ant & Dec! you should both be locked up
(This tune sucks) Ant & Dec! you should both be locked up
(This tune sucks) you should both be locked up
(This tune sucks) you should both be locked up (This song sucks)
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
Terry Venables, Hey Venables
your record won't even chart
it's charity! and it keeps me in the papers see, you see, you see

So you think "England Crazy" would reach the top five
and that song about Curry was really quite nice
Oh, Skinner, David Baddiel, Frank Skinner
just gotta be shot, with that bloke from the Lightning Seeds

Football really matters, record makers see
Money really matters
football songs are always cheap

Any way the match goes