Meet Melvin, mild mannered college freshman. There was a mix up at the housing office, so Melvin was recorded as staying at the Alpha Gamma house, a rowdy fraternity made up of hungry football players. Needless to say, Melvin didn't fit in too well. They keep taking his mother's care packages and eating them all. But tonight...Melvin gets even...
(Melvin, on the phone with his mother)

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
It has been hell here
Living with this fraternity
I've had enough
They took all my stuff from me
I'm just a freshman, majored in chemistry
But they take my food, call me 'bro'
They don't care if I say no
Papa John's or Domino's
Pizza all that's left here for me
For me

Mama
I don't like this place
I hate it living here
Everything smells like a beer
Mama
This is just no fun
Oh darn, I missed the last Circle K run
Mama, ooooh
Got nothing left to eat
They took my food and left me here with sorrow
That's alright...that's alright
I guess I'll order pizza

(Josh, Head Frat Guy, after listening to his buddies whine about having no more snacks)

You're too late
Your chance has gone
We already hit the store
I ain't going anymore
I guess you shoulda told me
To get some snacks
We just got beer and
I ain't going back

(Melvin, seeing the delivery guy pull up)

Mama, ooooh
I think my pizza's here
That didn't take up too much time at all

(Guitar solo)

(Josh, watching the delivery guy walk up)

I see a little silhouetto of a man

(Frat Buddies)

Omigosh! Omigosh! Does he have a fresh pizza?
Lots of pepperoni
Black olives and anchovies

(Josh) Mozzarella! (Frat Buddies) Mozzarella!
(Josh) Mozzarella! (Frat Buddies) Mozzarella!

(Josh) Mozzarella- wait, oh no!
(Frat Buddies) Where did he go-o-o-o-o?

(Melvin, carrying the pizza) I'm just a freshman, nobody likes me
(Frat Buddies chase him down and grab the box) He's got the pizza! That makes him family! Come here, my friend, will you give some to me?

(Melvin, tugging on the box) Wait a sec- no no no
Let my pizza go

(Frat Buddies) We're hungry! NO! We will not let it go!
(Melvin) Let it go!
(Frat Buddies) We're hungry! We will not let it go!
(Melvin) Let it go!
(Frat Buddies) We're hungry! We will not let it go!
(Melvin) Let it go!
(Josh) Will not let it go!
(Melvin) Let it go!
(Josh) Will not let it go!
(Frat Buddies, overlapping) Never never never never let it go-o-o-o-o! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
(Melvin, loses his grip and trips over a chair) Oh mamamia mamamia! It's my pizza let it go!
(Josh) It ours now! Let see if there is enough for me!
(2nd Frat Guy) And me!
(Frat Buddies) And ME-E-E!

(Rock guitar plays, Melvin get up, breaks the leg off the chair he stumbled over, and starts whacking the frat buddies in the head)

(Melvin, angry as hell) Did you think that I was just going to be nice?
Did you think I was just going to give you a slice!?
Oh baby! Can't do this to me baby!
Time to kick some ass! Time to kick some ass up in here!

(Slow part begins, Melvin has taken back his pizza, after beating Josh and his frat buddies into the ground)

I may be a freshman, dorky as can be
But no one steals my pizza
No one steals my pizza from me

Papa John's or Domino's?