Nick comes merrily down the pipe with his sack filled and a ho
Makes no sound but he's not petite, a snack down, ready to go
Gone already? I was waiting for this!
I've been staking out the socks for a week!
Up through the chimney the bastard skips and ease on down the street

He only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
And his sack is so big
And his sack is so big
He only comes once a year

Hey, say will he come for you?
Say, have you been nice this year?

How does he do it when he jumps aplomb to the roof and then he's gone?
I've waited for days and had no sleep then I missed him on the throne
I'm not happy! Still feel crap inside!
Cos again he has had me beat
Up on the roof ridge his Rudolph trips an' flies down the street

He only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
And his sack is so big
And his sack is so big
He only comes once a year

Hey, I missed that Rudolph too
I only blinked once I fear

Ho… Oh, bite me!
I am crushed
Biting dust, yeah

Ho
He only comes once a year
He only comes once a year, ho
He only comes once a year, ho-ho
He only comes once a year, heeey

Ho… Shut up!

There are tears in my eyes an' I curse the man but he has to leave my town
My obsessin' is progressin', I'm transgressin' mad, but he cannot stick around
I'll be ready, I'll be ready anew, I'm demanding a pre-warning tweet
And on his next year's December trip I'll rig a trap door under his feet

He only comes once a year
He only comes once a year
And his sack is so big
And his sack is so big
He only comes once a year

Red, I'll make your Christmas blue
And then I'll eat up the deers

Shoot 'em
Ho, I might