Hello...I'm Duck Dodgers,
You've heard songs about Duck Dodgers,
Many times the story unfolds,
How I've been seen in Vicksburg or lying dead near the road,
'Bout how my feather end has been shot out of a cannon,
Or how they've all been tryin' several times,
That old road does look dandy,
When your tire hits my behind,

You've heard how I've been willing,
And now I think I've lost my mind,
But if you could take a minute,
Here's what they 've left stuck in my behind.

There'd be no Duck Dodgers,
If it wasn't for my bad luck,
No funny laughing, think I'm now gagging,
Struck up by the nuts...
I think, " Oh dear lordy! Is it just my dumb luck? "
They're be no Duck Dodgers,
If I wasn't just a duck...

( Well there goes my left leg...flying by me...my life flashing before my eyes. They ought to know it hurts like hell...Somebody should tell them a duck ain't suppose to look like this....and that busload of lunatics...or now that guy playing with that book of matches...Man! How I could fly! That crazy son-of- a-....)

If you think I'm lying, think again I took to pointing blame,
Running up the next corner...my feathers is a blaze,
My backs a burning,
And my friends think I'm insane,
I take it back now...that's always the same,
So now there is no hurry,
And I guess you think ...tough luck!
There'd be no Duck Dodgers,
If it weren't for Cartoon Ducks.

There'd be no Duck Dodgers,
If it weren't for my dumb luck,
No double-dealing, car squealing,
I think I'm a going nuts,
They've drove me plum screwy,
And they've made all the bucks,
There'd be no Duck Dodgers,
If I wasn't just a Duck!

( Look at them slipping out that back door...and where do you think they've got me? That's right....next to a pig pin... " oink, oink, oink! " Why couldn't they've put a star on my door like Bugs Bunny! Geez...I'm much more talented than him...and talk about laughs! I'd show 'em! Well they'll be approaching me in a minute and they'll say you've been cut from a pay raise. You know for two dollars more I'd have a roast rabbit bar-b-que! That would fix 'em...you know I've never liked him! Thinks he's betten than everbody else...well here they come... and I know what they're going to say to me yet again....YOUR DESPICABLE!!)