Why hello, how's it hangin', what's up, man?
Please excuse my absence, for when you knocked down
I was busy on the can
I'm no man, and a woman I ain't
Grab your wife for this, she may faint
I'm gender confused, a bit bemused
Who knows the secrets of my taint?

That's right, I'm a transvestite from transgressive Transylvania

So let me show you around, we could break down
You look like you could both relax
Or if you want a snack, for that I got a knack
You can hear me play my sax

"We must be high on LSD, weeds or ecstasy
None of this makes any sense
This place is quite bizarre, why did we leave the car?
This situation is very dense"

So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that?
I must admit, it sucks
Who knew vehicles could be such a hassle?
Either way, you're stuck

That's right, I'm a transvestite from transfatty Transylvania

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my latest project
I've been making a gal who's gonna be my pal
And I'm sure she won't object

That's right, I'm a transvestite from transboundary Transylvania

So come up to the lab. I promise it ain't drab.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
It's a celebration, there's snacks and gin
But take of shoes before you get in!