Mrs Santa

Wake up Santa, you haven't listened to a word I've said
It's late December and you really should be out of bed
I know you're all cosy and warm, but the elves are raising a storm
Oh Santa you mustn't sleep any more

I should have been peeling the sprouts, but you insisted on taking me out
We drank the bar dry, and now my head really hurts

The morning sun shining in my eyes makes me feel quite ill
But you're not worried, asleep in bed and snoring still
The elves are ringing the bell, and I am feeling like hell
Oh, Santa we shouldn't drink any more

We drank the day away, forgot where we parked the sleigh
You stole a bike and that's a fine I can do without

All you needed was a drink or two, a festive cup
But it turned into a session and mother what a session, you showed me up
You ended up swapping your clothes, then you painted poor Rudolph's nose
Oh, Santa we shouldn't drink anymore

You're dressed like Danny La Rue, I just don't know what to do
You shaved your beard, I couldn't stop you if I tried

(instrumental break)

I suppose I could leave you here, go back to Dad and Mum?
Make a new start and leave this drunken bum?
Or find a more reliable man ... 'Bob The Builder' or 'Fireman Sam'?
Oh Santa I wish you'd never shaved your face

The reindeer were taken away ... by the R S P C A
You stole a bike and they've towed away the sleigh

Santa I wish you'd never shaved your face