i'd hoped it'd last all summer
but i see its goin' fast
someone's grabbed a little something
from my little secret stash
more valuable than diamonds
is my private special brand
its something i hold precious
you must understand

who's been stealin' all my beer ?
oh, what a heinous crime
are you tryin' to cause me tears ?
keep your filthy mitts off mine

you've been gallin' me...you're the meanest
now i'm missin' seventeen
but give me time...i'll find you
i predict a violent scene
this act must be abolished
and i have a stake-out planned
his presence, i'll acknowledge
then i'll kill the man

who's been stealin' all my beer ?
oh, what a heinous crime
are you tryin' to cause me tears ?
keep your filthy mitts off mine

i spent a lot of money
on this alcohol of mine
i find the flavor jolly-good
i retch on other kinds
after all my drinks, voraciously
is some agressive man
i think i'll knock him senseless
if i get the chance

who's been stealin' all my beer ?
oh, what a heinous crime
are you tryin' to cause me tears ?
keep your filthy mitts off mine