I don't know how your luck goes
When you're at the store
But mine just sucks, always end up in pain
Cause the up-and-down motion blows
All the lifts are full or busted, lame
And the escalators are stuck
So if I want to buy stuff today
The hardest method, I'm forced to trudge

Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
The top floor is so far away
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
Ev'ry step is an extra pain

It's like an ancient temple, though
There's less vines, hornets and rubble
Instead there's tons of folks in my way
Who just don't know how to hustle or bustle
It feels rude to call them all bastards
Since they share in my awful position
But then I would move faster if I
Was able to, those at the apex need a good ass-kickin'

I'm a long stairs climber
I wish that it wasn't this way
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
But on me lies some of the blame

I can frown when my soles ache now
Shoulda planned my trip out
My order of shops flips and flops
And that's a big deal when you're runnin' around
Ev'ry shoppin' trip is inefficient
Fifty percent of that's on me
The other half? Well, that's all of the previous rant
Broken lifts, slow-ass crowds, stairs are shitty

I'm a long stairs climber
By force, the whole concept I hate
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
Take longer than they should, such pain
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
I'm stuck with the stoner snail pace
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
What you've had is merely a taste
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm a long stairs climber
Only been here half of a day
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
Top of them feels like months away
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
Can't wait 'til the pain goes
Oh-oh-oh, I'm a long stairs climber
By then, I'll need to buy more
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm a long stairs climber