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Song Parodies -> "Small, Doomed Tits"
Original Song Title:
"Ballroom Blitz"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Sweet
Parody Song Title:
"Small, Doomed Tits"
Parody Written by:
EmiLoca
The Lyrics
Being half-Asian is only worth it if your bottom half is the Asian part.
Are you… boyish, Em?
Emi: Ha-ha...
Manly?
Emi: No…
Male?
Emi: No way!
Alright, fellas, let's GROW!
Oh I’ve been sweating so hard,
Trimming hairs that spring from arm and knee, uh huh
Extremes of zits and weight change
Delighted by onsets of puberty
Oh, you see I’m stacked from the back
Cause the fat that I pack’s on my wide female hips and my buns
But the front’s lean and lonely, I’m flat and I’m homely
Cause B-cups mean no passionate fun
Oh, yeah, growth spurts so heightening, all my clothes started tightening
But my chest wasn’t moving – and the boys disapproving:
“Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
Have you scanned what she lacks? Dude,
Emi’s got no rack, man, she’s turned into a wall! Boo, hiss!”
If the girl’s ever shown hers
No boys reported boners, Emi’s growing into small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits”
I'm leeching off of soft things -
Push-ups, plumping, cotton balls, tissues
Oh, I’m promptly falling over
From homemade augmentations for the two
Somber handfuls, in fact
Though most men with tact say that cleavage is bland to the eye
But with guys in Kentucky, this chick’s just unlucky
They’d all rather have a breast than a thigh
Oh, fine, measure my pecs, quick (Please measure in metric)
Uninspiring this evening – trainer bra, large G-string
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m not bad in the sack,
Just getting lots of flak, cause I’ve got no chest at all - screw this!
In a world full of pornos
Who wouldn’t feel forlorn? Oh, it’s a shame because it’s all crude glitz
All crude glitz
[Instrumental]
Oh yeah, future’s not brightening, silicon, nip-tuck tightening
Reconstruction and smoothing – but "the girls" aren’t improving
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And she’s mad cause she’s flat,
Deserves some tit for tat, cause she cannot find a bra that fits
And this girl’s sick of sitting through
Water-bra refittings, she’s concerned about this small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Still, I have small boobs. Shit.
Emi: Ha-ha...
Manly?
Emi: No…
Male?
Emi: No way!
Alright, fellas, let's GROW!
Oh I’ve been sweating so hard,
Trimming hairs that spring from arm and knee, uh huh
Extremes of zits and weight change
Delighted by onsets of puberty
Oh, you see I’m stacked from the back
Cause the fat that I pack’s on my wide female hips and my buns
But the front’s lean and lonely, I’m flat and I’m homely
Cause B-cups mean no passionate fun
Oh, yeah, growth spurts so heightening, all my clothes started tightening
But my chest wasn’t moving – and the boys disapproving:
“Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah
Have you scanned what she lacks? Dude,
Emi’s got no rack, man, she’s turned into a wall! Boo, hiss!”
If the girl’s ever shown hers
No boys reported boners, Emi’s growing into small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits
Small, doomed tits”
I'm leeching off of soft things -
Push-ups, plumping, cotton balls, tissues
Oh, I’m promptly falling over
From homemade augmentations for the two
Somber handfuls, in fact
Though most men with tact say that cleavage is bland to the eye
But with guys in Kentucky, this chick’s just unlucky
They’d all rather have a breast than a thigh
Oh, fine, measure my pecs, quick (Please measure in metric)
Uninspiring this evening – trainer bra, large G-string
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m not bad in the sack,
Just getting lots of flak, cause I’ve got no chest at all - screw this!
In a world full of pornos
Who wouldn’t feel forlorn? Oh, it’s a shame because it’s all crude glitz
All crude glitz
[Instrumental]
Oh yeah, future’s not brightening, silicon, nip-tuck tightening
Reconstruction and smoothing – but "the girls" aren’t improving
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And she’s mad cause she’s flat,
Deserves some tit for tat, cause she cannot find a bra that fits
And this girl’s sick of sitting through
Water-bra refittings, she’s concerned about this small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Small-boobed shit
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Tits, tits, it’s all crude glitz
Still, I have small boobs. Shit.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 23 | 22 | 22 |
User Comments
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Is it insensitive of me if I laugh at this parody? In a way, its a shame you submitted this on Christmas Eve. This is one SWEET parody, but it may get missed due to the holidays. 555
Welcome back, Emi!!! Now we have Guy, and you back, all we need now is to get that lazy bass turd Claude posting more regularly, and Johnny D... Those two guys dropped off the face of the Earth. Anywho... This parody was "no bust"!!!
funny with good pacing and rhyming....doubt you'll get many votes from the ladies, though
Wow, this did fall under the radar. This was very sweet, indeed, on a very hard tune to do. It's like you never went away, welcome back!! (don't despair, big boobs certainly are not everything...) Cup size 555
I missed this first time around, too: maybe it didn't stand out enough... I know it's a Sweet song, but I could imagine Tia Carrere (as Cassandra in Wayne's World) singing this - if you see what I mean: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfrDgrxOfJc
Okay, so that's four iron padlocks, three deadbolts, two combination locks and a retinal scan in a pear tree.
Last lyrics I listened to on my ipod:
"...with her chest enhanced, wouldn't dance if you aint pay for her breasts implants".
Alas, if only you were as D12...
Being what Below Average Dave has called a "boobaphile" I LOVE THIS ONE!!! Welcome back Emi, hope you're here to stick around awhile.
SOTM - Doomed? Well, there's always surgery, unless you're still under 18. Don't forget your exercises. Try to touch your elbows behind your back and chant "I must, I must, I must increase my bust!" (yes I know, old joke). Great work on a tough OS to pace.
SOTM - Bra-bra-bravo!!! Just when I started to think that the competition this month couldn't get any bigger you busted me with this one, I feel so handicupped, will I ever get up again? But ewwwww for "No boys reported boners", is that a requirement in American Schools now, if so I'd say that Homeland Security surveillance has gone way out of hand!
SOTM - Loved it, but big tits never interested me. I've always been a chartered member of the Itty Bitty Titty Club. Dreamy eyes and a sweet smile can make me melt more than boobs as big as air bags. lol
Nice work Emi. Look forward to more work from you. Love your sense of humor.
(SOTM Dec 2007) - Loved the "Tit for Tat" line. Love your sense of humor Emi and yes as the first commenter suggested I missed this due to the Christmas Holiday. Glad I saw it now. You go girl!
Size 555
Emi, this is hilarious - I laughed all the way thru it!
Heh heh, in a way, I thought the same as McKludge's initial comments, but on a different note: What a sweet song for Christmas Eve. I enjoyed :) For what it is worth, I am in agreement with Mr Cormier. Small beats big. It's all about quality, not quantity!
(SOTM) Pacing: top-notch. Topic: Hilarious. Overall? BLOODY BRILLIANT! This is how you return from writer's block. 555 for sure!
Perky parody here Emi. It's funny that you posted this on Christmas Eve because this was exactly what I wanted for Christmas.
(SOTM) whoa, as if this month wasn't already hard.........someone's getting bumped, because this goes straight into my 5 without dropping a set - fantastic pacing and syllable-matching and the whole shebang Emi, and who wants them Kentuckites anyway, what with their fried chicken fat dripping down their singlets - nah, small tits aren't doomed here in Oz, Emi (neither are big ones) - brilliant, and a tough OS, I'm guessing - 555 (hmm, my sec. code is MMM - what are the odds?)
(SOTM) Our original teen prodigy returns with a KAPOW! and makes us look like 'ammer-chewers...again. Sterling work, Emi; and kudos for being so "upfront" about your chestular issues to an SOTM audience made up exclusively of blokes. 555+++
(SOTM) Wow. . .I um, wow, Self Depreciation is my favorite topic, and you just took it to a whole new level. . .superb formatting to by the way, this one will be in my top 5
WELCOME BACK! and 555
This song was a hoot! Welcome back, you can write with the chest of them!
SOTM- I must say that this parody is kinda growing on me. I'm literally busting out with laughter. There's no shame being part of the 'Itty Bitty Titty Committee'. Very funny and well done, EmiLoca.
Small boobs.... NOOOOO!!! That's like the worst horror movie in the eyes of a boobaphile. This reminds me of something Todd from Scrubs said, "They're preforming a breast reduction surgery upstairs and I'm going up there to stop it!"
Funny work, Emi. Around here many guys look at the bottom half, more so than the top. It's not what you have but how you work it. As well as you reworked this OS, I don't think you have anything to worry about. 5s
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