Went to a store that is so exclusive
They check your credit rating
Sales associates with an attitude
Their arrogance is grating
The smell of perfume, sprayed from the testers
I am now allergic to it
Shopped at Bulgari, shopped Ferragamo
I've shopped all over this town

This ain't no Wal-Mart, this ain't no Target
This ain't no cheap discount store
No time for coupons, or instant rebates
They don't have time for it here.

Asking the sales clerk, for some assistance
Hope for a response someday
I have their store card, Master Card Visa
And American Express
She slid my card through, it is processing
And it may take a moment
My card was just declined, they want another one
They said in a snotty voice

This ain't no Wal-Mart, this ain't no Target
This ain't no musty dime store
This ain't no Woolworth, or S.S. Kresge
Because the lunch counter's gone

Heard about Mervyns, heard about Macy's
Heard about Needless Markup
Do not take items into the dressing room
Security is watching you
Picked up some trousers, and a blue dress shirt
To see how it looked on me
But I felt they were spying, felt they were prying
Like they were above the law

Why pay high markup? And feed arrogance?
Gonna shop different this time
Why spend more money, than necessary?
Traditional retail's dead
This ain't no Wal-Mart, this ain't no Target
This ain't no cheap discount store
I don't like Sam's Club, but I like Costco
Warehouse is the way to go

Standing in the line waiting to check out
We stood out in the crowd
We wore leisure suits and Nehru jackets
People will think we're endowed
We smell like B.O, we smell like urine
Or like a can of stale beer
I combed with Brylcreem, and Dippedy Doo
And I still don't think I'm queer

I took off the tag, the ink exploded
And now the suit is ruined
Don't get excited, I'll do some laundry
You ought to get some white dye
Give you instructions, follow directions
Then you should use the Maytag
In the next minute, maybe one hour
What ever you think is best

Sensormatic tags, what good are those things
They won't reduce any shrink
It is so easy, to disable them
Just pull them off of the hem
Try to be covert, avoid the cameras
Don't want to be arrested
Try to be careful, don't take no chances
You better watch what you do.