Who is a star... but only just barely?
Who do they call 'the hunk with no hair'?
Who makes it look like acting is painful?
Everyone knows it's Vin D.

Who is the guy more pumped-up than pretty?
Who can fulfill a horny elf's needs?
Whose action flicks are highly promoted?
Everyone knows it's Vin D.

And Vin D. has brawny thighs,
much bigger than normal guys'
in fact, they're quite over-sized,
'cause he works out
'cause he works out

If some parts are over-sized
-- from steroids, you might surmise --
others might be 'under-sized'
An elf might pout
An elf might pout

Maybe a guy with brawny man-titties
can't really fill a horny elf's needs;
Awww... if his firearm isn't loaded,
wouldn't that be a pity?