pretty girls just seem to try it early
niagara falls a runnin from their eyes
they flash their lids, and pout, and act all girly,
when all they have to do is show us thighs

late at night when she gets scared and lonely,
and I'm out drinkin Miller with the boys
my cell phone rings, and she says she is horny
and she starts to make that really silly noise

she tells me that I must come back for the evening
and when I tell her no, I'm with the guys
I hear the start of water as it's running,
and tell her, ferchrissake, dry your eyes

honey dry your lovely eyes,
please hang up I'm drinkin with the guys
I thought by now you'd realise
this ploy it just aint workin, dry your eyes

she tells me she's sick of masturbating
will I come home and hold her tight
and she asks me to dream of her gyrating
and she promises me she'll do that every night

and I wonder how it ever got this crazy
I pay the rent, I even lease her car
and a few old pals we drink till things get hazy
and she's stalking me I think she's gone too far

I get up, and pour myself a last one,
and say with sadness, " guess i'm leaving guys"..
she wants me home, to give her just a fast one
and maybe then she'll start to dry her eyes

honey dry your lovely eyes,
please hang up I'm drinkin with the guys
I thought by now you'd realise
this ploy it just aint workin, dry your eyes
this ploy it just aint workin, dry your eyes