Oh, we all sat
In the stands
With our foreheads in our hands
Couldn’t bear to see the final score
Just one play
Left to go
The QB fell back to throw
A long “Hail Mary”
50 yards or more.

Ball sailed through the air,
With a whispered prayer
For the
8th-string receiver
Of our Homecoming team…

We once thought our school
As state champions would rule.
Now we know that dream
Can never be
Oh no, our sad fate was sealed
When he fumbled on the field
That big schlemiel,
Bartholomew McPhee

Why, oh why, McPhee,
Did you have to be
Playing at
8th- string receiver on the
Homecoming team?

Coach must be insane
To put you in the game,
Even at
8th-string receiver of the
Homecoming team!

(musical interlude)

I’m warning you, McPhee,
Stay away from me,
You sorry
8th-string receiver
For the Homecoming team

This ball team will be
The worst in history
After the
8th-string receiver
Of the Homecoming team… (fade)