I'll be an Eagle Scout
If not, I will be down and out
Until the day, okay
I can start a raging campfire
Without burning down the forest

The birdies in the trees
I imitate their calls with ease
I'm really good, you'll see
Why, the other day some condors
Flew right down and tried to **** me

In the polluted lake
Gators crawl out of the mud, and they chase me
One mile later, I get smart and climb a tree
Ten full hours, I'm still there, they can't eat me
Twenty-four police and firemen find me, dangling by my knees

I know I'm still a Cub
I may have made, a minor flub
The day I tried a way
Using chloroform and DDT
To disinfect the forest

In the polluted lake
Leeches clamp onto my flesh, and they drain me
One mile later, I'm still swimming in the race
Gonna get my merit badge and win first place
Twenty-four police and lifeguards find me, floating on my face

I'm in my underwear, and running for my life from some bears
I guess I pitched my tent, maybe a tad too close to their lairs
I should've mentioned this eventuality in my prayers

In search of cliffs to scale, I spot a hermit's hut by the trail
A yokel comes outside, I'm wond'ring if I should run and hide
This guy is really big, he asks if I can "squeal like a pig"

I'll be an Eagle Scout
If not, I will be down and out
I'll be an Eagle Scout
If not, I will be down and out

In the polluted lake
Gators crawl out of the mud, and they chase me
Twenty-four big carnivores are after me

I'll be an Eagle Scout
It's something I can't do without
No matter what it takes
I would kidnap all the other scouts
And hold them all for ransom

In the polluted lake
Hostages on a raft, and they stand there
Now I've got the BSOA by the balls
Unaware that we are headed for the falls
Guess it's not a lake, but a river
Oh, my birdie calls