There's somebody downstairs
I'm scared that it might be a crook
My presents might get swiped, I'd better take a look

I'm being really quiet
I see somebody dressed in red
He's tripped over the cat, and landed on his head

Something's wrong with Santa Claus!
I think he might have hurt his nose
And I would get told off if I used words like those

Heard a burp from his mouth
That was a surprise
Why can't he focus clearly with his eyes?

I'd best go back upstairs
Or I won't see his ass for dust
Though he can't seem to walk, I hope he's not concussed

Sherry's gone from the glass I left out for fun
Looks a lot like I was not the only one

He's crawling up the stairs
I'm starting now to fear the worst
Hope if he breaks his neck he leaves my presents first

He might fall on the stairs
Please don't fall on the stairs…