Its ten o'clock and its very late,
The regular people jump in
Theres an old man in the back seat
Making love to his oldest of kin

He says, "son, do want to come join us,
There's plenty of room in the back"
I said "hey you old man, that is just disgusting
I only drive taxis, you whack"

La la la, de de daLa la, de de da da dum

Drive us away, you're the taxi man
Drive us away tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a fun time
And you'll get us laughing alright

Now Sue from Runcorn is a friend of mine
More than a friend, I should say
But she drives my taxi on two wheels all the time
And she doesn't make anyone pay

She says hey do you reckon I'm doing good
Driving taxis for you all day?
Well I told her my feelings about her ways
And she slapped me right on the face

Oh La la la, de de daLa la, de de da da dum

Now I am a lonely old man again
And I never will go on a date
Coz the last time I tried it, I went suicidal
And jumped off a the Empire State

But I'm lucky that Billy was there that day
Otherwise I would now be dead
Yes we're good enough mates for the time been
But I know how sick he is in the head

Drive us away, you're the taxi man
Drive us away tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a distant place
And you'll get us there in good time

It's a pretty bad round for the holidays
And the girl in hot pink really smells
But I know that it's her who will pay my bills
When the tax man comes round ringin' bells

And I'm taking this lot to the carnival
Where the clowns and acrobats leer
And they'll put on a show for this noisy row
But they don't know they're actually queer

Oh La la la, de de daLa la, de de da da dum

Take us away, you're the taxi man
Take us away from the show
Coz its really not all that interesting
I cant believe I got this low