One? Two? No, I’ll have Three More!

Some folks consider sandwiches art
And like Dagwood I’ll say that they hold a place in my heart
But I PRE-fer middle to end
If a party sub’s what you’re gonna vend

I’ve “clubbed” long enough to have learned
You’d better always watch the toaster or else you’ll get burned
And I’ll loud-ly make a fuss
‘Cause I’ve never been a lover of crust

Oh-oh

Now I’ve eaten all around the big world
Ate bread and liverwurst and afterwards I almost hurled
Had Cubans once with Fidel
And I supplemented all my fat cells

Ask me ‘bout my worst sandwich day
I ate a Reuben with raw cabbage—I felt so betrayed
The sau-er-kraut is a must
On my German Rye crust

If tuna you’re pitching
Hope relish you’re ditching
And you’ll make me pout
If your technique leaves cel’ry out

Feel like you’ve got something to prove?
Because you don’t want Arwen leavin’, app-e-tite removed
Bologna is a safe bet
O-S-C-A-R’s not let me down yet

Here’s SOME advice I hope you don’t mind
When making PB-Js make sure that you use the right kind
Oh, TO Skippy I can’t adjust
I’m pretty choosey; I like Jif on my crust

(instrumental)

For cold cuts that I love
I’d punch, kick, bite and shove
In the buffet line
Let me through and we’ll both be just fine

I’d like to think that I’m in control
Of course that doesn’t count the BLT that I just stole
But I had to; I’ll tell you why
‘Cause my deli chicken salad was dry

This love is tearing my life apart
I dumped my boyfriend when my 8th grilled cheese HE wouldn’t start
For French Dip I often lust
‘Cause the au jus always softens the crust

Not a lover of crust
Never been a lover of crust
Not a lover of crust