Reindeers are cryin', soon they will die,
There's a little green elf on the line hangin' high,
Toy shops all broken, North Pole trees
Bent over backwards from the fat man's sneeze.
Not a laugh of "Ho Ho", he just seemed to gloat,
Too far gone is the man
In the long red coat.

Somebody seen him flying around
At the old crack house on the outskirts of town,
He looked into her eyes when she stopped to ask
If he had her fix, he had a face like a mask.
Somebody said from High Times he'd quote
There's Angel Dust in the man
In the long red coat.

Santa was a talkin' there's a sales pitch he gave,
He said every man's addiction is vile and depraved,
You cannot depend on it to be your guide
When it's you who must keep it satisfied.
It's easy to snort, then it drips in the throat,
She gave her wallet to the man
In the long red coat.

Bridge:
There is no real Santa Claus some people say
And it's true that sometimes you can see it that way.
So people aren't naughty or nice, people just float.
She partied with the man
In the long red coat.

There's coke in the water, it's been there since June,
People are wasted, and lives are a-strewn
Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force
Of the white-bearded dealer who shows no remorse.
"Next thing I screw is the Florida vote"
Too far gone is the man
In the long red coat.