Standing on the stage wearing those threads
Eyes bulging out the front of his head are glowing
Pissant lips spitting out all that mist
Your jokes I never seem to get the gist
And your hair is barely growing
Leno is too tough a cookie to chew
But with teeth far apart what good would it do

Refrain

Letterman rants to the Shafer man's tunes
They get high every day about noon
Oh, oh-o-o-o-o-o, Letterman

Quickly puts visine drops in his eye
He looks up and says " I bet this fools no one "
Fools rush in to comb his thinning hairs
Both of his roots just barely there, he'll soon have one
Looking for some more Rogaine again
Keeping one step ahead of the George Costanza within

Refrain

He's a fan of accountants, he can fart right out loud
A masturbator in crowds with a reamed sister
He will try sodomy tomorrow but what do you care
Everybody stares at the cute boy Larry, your fister
Friend of the gerbil stuffed in a condom he's tamed
A look into your flimsy future, see your boss man scratch out your name

Refrain

Well the cook of this shit I cuss, with no apology
The stench of the outhouse through TV is still your best feature
In the smoke of your crackpipe and some red haired weed
Come by for a smoke indeed, we'll get crunched and hunt for creatures
Searching in the fields, then in the big city space
Fall asleep in the bars with a warthog licking your face

Refrain

Well the Rifleman is stalking a gimp with a cane
Mica Torrance is his name, who will get gunned down is uncertain
Matchsticks, water pistols, big ass dreadlocks
A Stoli martini rocks, with bar girls flirtin
Skirt wearing judges, lying in their cribs drinking gin
Empty your bladder in time or else start wearing depends

Refrain

It's a hobbity world, pants are slipping away
Old Frodo just gave birth to a turd today and flushed down the toilet
He'll put the ring in his pocket, put the glade under feet
Take the hooterless children of the geeks
And race them to the teet of a harlot
Oh Letterman, we know that you rant
Oh Letterman, do you still own World Wide Pants?

Letterman rants to the Shafer man's tunes
They get stoned every day about noon
OH, oh o o o o oh, Letterman



oh o o o o o o Letterman