I used to poop five rock-hard stools a day
It was the hardest thing to flush them away
I drank four or five bottles of pop
I kept bungwipe in my hand plus a mop

Breaking those habits
Was hard to do
But nothing compared to the changes
That you put me through

Trying to drop a deuce in the whizzer
It's the hardest thing I'll ever do
Trying to drop a deuce in the whizzer
It was the hardest burden I'll ever bear

I had the best reputation in town
For chasing all the damn plumbers around
I thought changing my way of living was hard to do
But it's nothing compared to the changes that I've gone through

I've wiped everything I tried to wipe
But it's gonna take a miracle to find Clyde McBride

Trying to drop a deuce in the whizzer
It's the hardest thing I'll ever do
Trying to drop a deuce in the whizzer
It's the hardest burden I'll ever bear