Holding Out for a Zero

Where have all the bad men gone
And where are all the clods?
Where's the deadbeat Urkeles, who bite surprising wads?
Isn't there a shite knight upon a miry shed?
Late at night I floss and I churn
And my cream of wheat I need

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero, my rearend of the night
He's gotta smell strong
And he's gotta be fat
And he's knotty, his stench from the might

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the moaning's right
He's gotta be short
And he's gotta eat prunes
And he's gotta be lard ass for life
lard ass for life

Living after midnight
In my widest fat ass jeans,
Somewhere just behind my fridge
There's butt munch sneaking snacks to me
Farting like the thunder, gas rising with the heat
Shit's gonna take a stupid man to lick my awful feet

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta smell strong
And he's gotta be trashed
And he's lotta bereft from the shite

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the moaning's right
He's gotta be short
And he's gotta be goon
And he's gotta be lard ass for life

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero, my rear end of the night
Up where the groundhogs meet the hell hounds above
Out where the lightning shits and pees
I could swear there is dumb fuck, dumb bear
belching free
Through his wind, and his swill, and the drain
And the scum, and the crud
I can feel his gut grouch like a fire in sly sludge.

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the end of the flight
He's gotta smell strong and he's gotta eat fast
And he's gotta eat flesh that's not ripe
I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the moaning's trite
He's gotta be short
And he's got a big spoon
And he's gotta be lard ass for life

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the end of the flight
He's gotta smell strong and he's gotta smoke grass
And he's gotta be trashed from Bud Light

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero 'til the groaning plight
He's gotta be short
And he's gotta big “moon”
And he's gotta be lard ass for life
I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero til the end of the flight