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Song Parodies -> "Brand New Slave"
Original Song Title:
"Brand New Lover"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Dead Or Alive
Parody Song Title:
"Brand New Slave"
Parody Written by:
Hu’s On First
The Lyrics
The dude in the original song comes across as a bit of a jerk. But at least he didn’t enslave people, unlike this other guy…
Your laziness, darkie
Is too hard to swallow
I’ve got the solution
I’ll sell you tomorrow
And now as I balance
My plantation budget
It’s not in the “black”
And I can’t fudge it
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who picks cotton fast
And fills the sack till it’s much bigger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
When I sell you tomorrow
You’ll go further south
Oh, don’t moan and complain
You had best shut your mouth
I’m running a business here, I’ve got expenses
Slacking off’s the worst of offenses
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who can plow the field
And who can be a faster digger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
My other slaves will tell you that
I’m heartless and a cruel taskmaster
And for once I really must agree
I sell the soft ones, like yourself
And then I go buy someone else
Who meets my need for productivity
Your laziness, darkie
Is too hard to swallow
I’m keeping your kids but
I’ll sell you tomorrow
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who picks cotton fast
And fills the sack till it’s much bigger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
Is too hard to swallow
I’ve got the solution
I’ll sell you tomorrow
And now as I balance
My plantation budget
It’s not in the “black”
And I can’t fudge it
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who picks cotton fast
And fills the sack till it’s much bigger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
When I sell you tomorrow
You’ll go further south
Oh, don’t moan and complain
You had best shut your mouth
I’m running a business here, I’ve got expenses
Slacking off’s the worst of offenses
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who can plow the field
And who can be a faster digger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
My other slaves will tell you that
I’m heartless and a cruel taskmaster
And for once I really must agree
I sell the soft ones, like yourself
And then I go buy someone else
Who meets my need for productivity
Your laziness, darkie
Is too hard to swallow
I’m keeping your kids but
I’ll sell you tomorrow
What I really need to do
Is find myself a brand new n*****
Someone who picks cotton fast
And fills the sack till it’s much bigger
What I really need to do
Is find a brand new n*****
I’m sure Ron DeSantis would say that at least it provided valuable skills training to those affected. Already, some of the anti-“DEI” crowd (like Charlie Kirk) have begun bashing Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which they blame for present-day policies they don’t like. I wonder how long before abolitionist-bashing becomes a trend on the hard right, too…
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