Well, I love the Oscar nights
I love the Oscar nights
I love to watch the starlets as they trip
Over their long sequined gowns--
They nearly break their ankles!

Well, the stars are out tonight,
Their skin is so damn tight
They got the Botox, liposuction and the collagen too--
With a boob job thrown in!

That Jolie is a nut, but confess:
She looks good in a see-through dress!

And I love the Oscar nights!
Yeah I love the Oscar nights
Well, I love the Oscar nights
Well, I love the Oscar nights--
Ooh, ooh!

Well, I love the Oscar nights,
Although the jokes tend to bite,
Presenters stumble and mumble to read
What someone had to write for them--
They should’ve hired Al Franken!

Yeah, I love the Oscar nights,
They got a blinkin’ red light
But the speeches go on and on
Until the music starts playing--
They have to thank their agents!

I might rock my tux and tails,
Comb my hair, even do my nails!

‘Cause I love the Oscar nights
Yeah, I love the Oscar nights
Well, I love the Oscar nights
Well, I love the Oscar nights

Well, I love the Oscar nights, the competition is tight
I’m tryin’ to guess the winner for short
Documentary films--I haven’t ever seen one!

A special award for an aging star--
Ain’t it the guy who produced “Ishtar”?!?

But I love the Oscar nights!
Yeah, I love the Oscar nights!--Hey! There’s Harrison Ford!
And I love the Oscar nights--And does he look bored!
And I love the Oscar nights-- Man, that Portman is fat!
Yeah, I love the Oscar nights--So what’s up with that?
Yeah, I love the Oscar nights...