Please stop that talking
Before my blood begins to boil
I never want to hear the phrase
'Just add a drizzle of olive oil'
Throw away those chips and cheese
Have you got yourself a huge TV?

Oliver's restaurants are here to stay
Oliver's restaurants are on their way
And I would rather eat anywhere else than Fifteen today

There was a chef called Jamie
He drove his scooter round Italy
Then he lectured some poor people
On how to feed their family
Only takes one turkey twizzler
One more fat kid, one less good dinner

Oliver's restaurants are here to stay
Oliver's restaurants are on their way
And I would rather eat anywhere else than Fifteen today

Liverpool is up for grabs
Manchester's full of kebabs
We could be bigger than Rick Stein
Have some overpriced red wine
And some cherry tomatoes picked straight from a vine

But there's no danger
It's a professional career
School visits could be arranged
With just a word in Mr Cameron's ear
If you feel like buying a ready meal
Go to Sainsbury's, Jamie's got a brand new deal

Oliver's restaurants are here to stay
Oliver's restaurants are on their way
And I would rather eat anywhere else than Fifteen today
And I would rather eat anywhere else than Fifteen today