Don't know the original song, heard many bad and scatalogical things about Mr Allin. I remember after hearing about his show that I wrote in the newspaper column I used to have that you did not want front row seats for his performance. If you ever win enough money on the lottery to buy a cassette recorder, I'm still interested in that Carole King instrumental track. Have a merrier Christmas than your song implies.

Andria - While I DKTOS, it doesn't matter. This is vivid and evocative...a side of the holidays as only an overworked pawnbroker could imagine. Many of us are incurable buffoons...you are something more. Merry Christmas! ;D

Don't know this "Teacher's Pet"...one I recall was by Doris Day...good job of expressing holiday shopping frustrations...you didn't really hock your Wii, did you?

Patrick: If you are offended by profanity and degrading language (I am *not*), you don't want to know this song or anything by GG except "Devil's Triangle", "1980s Rock & Roll" and "Love Tunnel", which are pretty much Van Halen or Styx copycat songs with no profanity. I want a turntable that records onto CDs or MP3, but my computer is a fossil and has no USB plug-ins.

OMR: Thanks, LOL, and Merry Christmas back at you.

AFW: The Doris Day song and the GG Allin song are totally different animals. Thanks for v/c, and I *did* trade a Wii for a Ford pickup that threw a rod two weeks later and was sold for scrap after I had it towed home. I no longer have a Wii.

Nice to see you writing again, Andria! Yep, two more days of XMas coming! Still got some last minute shopping and the malls around me are open 24 hours a day for people who are in need to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Ugh, think of all the bustle and jostle. Hope you have a great holidays and here's some Yuletide 5's for this one!

Andria, I live in a community where profanity (in English and Spanish) are the indigenous languages. I rarely find profanity in songs to be of much creative value. The story I heard about C.G. Allin, many years ago, was that he would fling his own feces into the audience. Didn't he die a premature death as well? My musical tastes actually run more to instrumental music than vocals, hence my interest in the mysterious Carol King track. I was with a friend one time who was driving his teenage daughter's car. When he turned the key, the radio (cassette player) came on before the engine even started, which is typical with teenagers. She had a 2 Live Crew tape. The curse words were the only ones I could understand, the rest was just undifferentiated noise. My buddy took the tape out of the player, opened the door, and slammed it against the cassette. A bit extreme! I heard they beat the "rap" so to speak, in a Florida obscenity trial, by having a middle-aged white guy read the lyrics in a normal tone of voice without emphasis or emotion. It became obvious that what offended the prosecutors was not the four-letter words or misogyny, it was the real or feigned anger of a bunch of young Black dudes. I can only imagine how the New York City detectives who busted Lenny Bruce on stage actually talked when they were back at the station. Keep working on a better computer, I might be prepared to pay a substantial sum for a CD of that track. I don't have another 30 years to look for it.

Sorry for the late replies, but thanks, CMM, you are always appreciated, and Patrick, what an interesting story. GG Allin did die young, of a heroin and alcohol overdose, and he did fling poo and do many other nasty things on stage. If I ever get my hands on the Carole King track again with a better computer, I will give it to you for free via e-mail out of kindness and your love of the song.