You had a few drinks that night
And you felt like a bite
Making a sub, your clothes strewn 'cross the floor
Is that salami?
You made a mistake, put your shlong on chopping board
And so you paid the price
Even though you packed it in ice
The surgeon said no, can't reattach, so he put Johnson in a jar
Phallic removal
With a serrated knife, was one drunken step too far

Oh-oh, you were dumb
Left with nothing but a stump
Oh-oh, feeling glum
Now you're sans peter...
Oh-oh, you were dumb
Left with nothing but a stump
Oh-oh, feeling glum
Now you're sans peter...

A cucumber in your shorts
A substitute of sorts
But you're depressed, when you get dressed you feel your missing part
Shopping tomorrow...
They're having a sale, discount strap-ons at K-Mart!!

Oh-oh, you were dumb
Left with nothing but a stump
Oh-oh, feeling glum
Now you're sans peter...
Oh-oh, you were dumb
Left with nothing but a stump
Oh-oh, feeling glum
Now you're sans peter...