I want a new rug
One that’s wov-en to match
One the size of a yamika
To hide my baloney patch

I want a new rug
One that molds to my lumps
One that will fill the flat spots in
And out ‘do’ Ol’ Trump’s


One that will win elections
Empowering type of do
One that makes you feel like:
"I’m proud to vote for you!"
Yeah, "I would vote for you"


I want a new rug
One that conceals
Once that don’t chafe or itch
While giving my spiels

I want a new rug
One that won’t blow away
One that can withstand gale force winds
One I can’t loose on polling day

One that will win a caucus
Inspiring kind of do
One that makes me seem like
I have a farging clue!
I got a farging clue?
I got a farging clue, maybe?


I want a new rug
One that makes me complete
One that won’t shrivel in the cold
Or make me drivel in the heat


I want a new rug
One that brings clout
One that won’t look that helmeted
Like a goose-steppin’ krout


One that looks good in office
One for my point of view
One that makes me look like
I know what’s best for you
I know what’s best for you
I know what’s best for you, oh yeah?