I have spent my day sat on latrines
(Trying to bust a steamer for a while)
Lower intestines bursting at the seams
(I cannot stand for back pain, have to stoop)
Why last sunday night, bowel movements were tidy
Compact and regular, as I'd expect
Now constipation is causing my slouching
Digestive network has sunk to "inept"

Get me some laxatives, get me some bran!
Fix me some prune juice, some fibre-rich flan!
You will know when I'm relieving due to my almighty screaming

Knocking out a Steamer
Has taken up my schedule
One mighty steamer
Knocking out a steamer
I try but I'm unable
Get it out!

Doctor says I'm not to be alarmed
(He gave me juice and capsules, and said "be off")
No more ventures to the john unarmed
(I gotta tell you something, they really work!)
A few hours after I'd started relieving
No sign of ceasing, no motion to stop
I'm now diarrhitic, forever releasing
After I'm done, would you pass me a mop?

Give me no laxatives, fibre or bran
Pass me those towels as fast as you can
I must admit it's not appealing but i can't help this sinking feeling

Knocking out a steamer
Twenty score an hour
So many steamers
Knocking out a steamer
In the form of chocolate showers
Stem the flow!

Knocking out a steamer
Twenty score an hour
So many steamers

Knocking out a Steamer
Has taken up my schedule
One mighty steamer
Knocking out a steamer
I try but I'm unable

(repeat choruses to fade)