This the story of Tom and Diane
2 local news anchors from Rhode Island
Tom is gonna have a new partner
Diane's gonna frame old Tom for murder

It all started when Diane turned 40
They thought that she was old, the new girl's so horny
Diane's heart now was so broken
She thought up a plan to get revenge and
Now we say

Oh yeah life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone
Oh yeah they say life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone, we move on

Diane dated an actor named James Woods
He dumped her garbage, from the old neighborhood
She planned to kill him, and then frame Tom
So she could be alone, while Tom sings the songs
In the jail

Oh yeah life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone
Oh yeah they say life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone, we move on

Now the plan was botched
Two other people died
Muriel and Priscella
And then she tried
To kill Lois Griffin, before she could tell
But Stewie one-upped her
Now Diane's in Hell

'Twas the story of Tom and Diane
Two local news anchors that did they best they can

Oh yeah life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone
Oh yeah they say life goes on
For Tom in prison, and Diane is gone, we move on