Got me an invitation to a sauna
Wonderin' if I should go or not bother
Never have I ever been inside a sauna
Not sure, should I change that? Or just not bother?

Friend gave me some coupons to a fancy sauna
Should I take her up on it or not bother?
She likes it a lot, a fan of when it's hotter
But I don't know if I'll also like that sauna heat

"Cleanse your body! Sweat it out now!"
The ad copy says to me
But I'm sorry, I think that's crap
Don't you know biology?
Just a little total nonsense
It's your liver and kidneys
That detox you, not the sauna
So why else should I want that heat?

Still not really sold on goin' to the sauna
Gettin' more than just hot under the collar
"Take it easy! You don't have to go much hotter"
Why go in there in the first place with that sauna heat?

Heat like fire's not desired
It's a source of utter pain
So to come here to get hot seems
Like a failure of the brain
Sunny weather is a pleasure
But the sweatiness is not
You may claim it's so relaxin'
But I think you've lost the plot

Made up my mind, I'm not headin' to the sauna
I don't get relaxed when the room gets hotter
That just ticks me off which gets me hot and bothered
Which makes me more pissed, so I don't want that sauna heat

Barely stand the shower, why would I like saunas?
I've made a decision: I can't be bothered
If I wanna kill my pain, I'd just get schnockered
"Don't decry it 'til you've tried it"? Freaks like saunas
Sorry, take that back, if you're into the saunas
You do you, have fun in there, pump it hotter
Join in with the people who enjoy massagers
But that's a whole diff'rent thing, I don't want sauna heat

So does anyone want coupons for the sauna?