Nation Excited To Have President Again For First Time In 4 Years

https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-excited-to-have-president-again-for-first-time-in-4-years

U.S. — The results of a new Gallup poll reveal Americans are excited to finally have a new president for the first time in four years.

According to the poll, many Americans decided that having no President for the last 4 years was a terrible idea in retrospect.

"Whose idea was that anyway?" asked one citizen who was interviewed. "I think I like having a President in office better than having no President. That's just my personal opinion."

Per Article II of the United States Constitution, the President acts as commander-in-chief and head of the executive branch of the government, responsible for executing the laws written by Congress. But for four years the office had been entirely vacated as the nation was run by an invisible network of unelected bureaucrats.

"It was a scary time. One day we had a president, and then all of a sudden — poof — we didn't," said Nancy Cod of San Francisco, CA. "I thought, 'We should probably have a president once again!'"

An elderly man claiming to be the current sitting President has tried to tell several people that he lives at the White House and has been there this whole time, but these statements have been dismissed by many as outlandish.

"No, Jack! It's true! I'm an important man!" the man, later identified as Joe Biden of Delaware, said. "It's just like my buddies told me back when I drove a semi-truck through cannibal territory in — anyway. I wear a suit, by the way. Not a joke. I am a — look, we finally beat Medicare."

At publishing time, Americans expressed interest in having a real Congress again instead of 535 full-time fundraisers.

In true autocrat form, Drumpf is too too conceited to ever concede anything. His worshipers are too dumb to see the danger in that.

Hey, goose-stepping Satan-worshiping DemoKKKrat losers (like you, Hypocritical Hank), we've got your new theme song right here!

https://suno.com/song/e4eef624-4750-4c21-bd96-ee9954bad229

In his first term, 45 wanted to buy Greenland. In his second term, will 47 order that the US take it?

248 votes with only 46 views. Sounds like the legends one hears of the Democrats of Chicago.

Democrats Vow To Improve Their Outreach To Bigoted Misogynists

https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-vow-to-improve-their-outreach-to-bigoted-misogynists

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of Kamala Harris' embarrassing defeat in the recent presidential election, top politicians in the Democrat Party have stepped forward and vowed to improve their outreach to "disgusting, bigoted, misogynists" next time around.

"We've seen our mistakes and we plan to do better next time," Schumer said before quickly checking to make sure his dentures were in. "We simply failed to connect with the racists, filthy garbage, bigoted misogynists, privileged supremacists, and Literally Hitlers who make up a bit more than half the country's population. We really need to start making inroads with the bad, evil, repulsive half of the country."

Democrats have reportedly also vowed to do better in reaching out to young men by insulting them and telling them that they are the root of all evil everywhere even more.

At publishing time, Democrats had reportedly promised to help bring the hostility of public rhetoric down by peacefully supporting Literal Satan's assumption of power in January.

Come on, MAGAts. Let's see you perform this parody. Sing it with deep sincerity and great pride for your Fatherland!

Wow, Drumpf's pick for attorney general is Matt Gaetz? This joke of an upcoming administration reminds me of Caligula making a farce of the Roman Empire with his craziness. Also reminds me of the motley crew Hitler had around him, Goebbels, Hess, Goering, Himler.