It's the time of year, when there's no snow anywhere
radio stations, brings their listeners to despair
with Cliff Richards song, about the same holiday
he's done before-for-for, and it still sounds the damn same

though it is a pain, in the pubs we all get crammed
"it's Merry yes" you lie, but you're thinking that it's pants

Hold a Turkey in the air, as the bloody things still froze
you will never get, some correctly fitting clothes
and those presents seem, to be cheaper every year
you'll console yourself, with ten festive pints of beer

this is my reply, as that Slade song makes you go
running to the bog, beer and dancing made you throw
up over the floor, i just covered up my ears
play those songs again, it's the month that Turkeys fear

the trees we're decorating, pine needles we're still chasing
my feet are badly aching, from when they got stuck in

Hold a Turkey in the air, as the bloody things still froze
you will always get, some of Noel Edmonds old clothes
if you can fit in, you'll hear this in all Discos
climbing up the tree, covered in lights, bells and bars
is a sure-fire way, to get noticed at the bar

this is my reply, as that Slade song makes you go
running to the bog, beer and dancings bad you know
so you've heard it once, thats a record so to speak
cause this damn yuletide song, will be being played for weeks

Hold a Turkey in the air, as the bloody things still froze
you will always get, some of Noel Edmonds old clothes
la la la la la la la