Turns up for reasons not quite known,
And raids your porcelain white throne;
And probably he works alone,
The Turd Burglar.

Does he visit by day or night?
No one's quite sure; no one's caught sight.
He stays concealed,
The Turd Burglar.

He goes undercover looking for brown duds:
In your bowl, seeking meaty chuds.
Has his brain gone deranged and taken flight?
Is he a pervert seeking strange delight?

To my old outhouse just last week,
Someone broke in, treasures to seek.
Was it just a freak,
Or Turd Burglar?

Then my indoor plumbing also;
Someone broke in through the window.
Just a random weirdo, or
The Turd Burglar?

He goes plundering each house and porta-john
Seeking for one more fudge dragon.
He's been hankering for night soil by night;
Did his head get bonked so his mind's not right?

(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)

Could be from a mental asylum he's sprung;
Crazed at large, confiscating dung.
In old chambers, seeks out a chamber pot;
No restaurant wants him for a mascot.

Last night, someone in a black suit
Turned up prowling for cans to loot
Dressed like a ninja,
The Turd Burglar.

But in my shot you barely see
Someone running away from me;
We're not even sure it's a he,
The Turd Burglar.

Could be she: Turd Burglar...
A he or she? Turd Burglar!

(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)
(Turd Burglar...)