I've been no Christmas-sy hits
In a decade
Well now it seems to me
We need another one
And I should sing the song
Don't care if I'm out of tune
I'm off my face again
And deep in debt too

Got time to write me some
Might get to number one
Make sure I fill 'em
With choirs and sleigh bells too
Cash in on Christmas
Sing with me Baby
Couldn't be a better time
To make a cash cow moo

Hip-hoorah we'll be stars and make sled-loads of gold
'Cause to sing Christmas pop songs you can't be too old
We should both just get hammered and go for it, see
Like Kirsty and Shane did originally
I was famous, now faded, and I've never made it

But we might stand a chance with a novelty song
Can't say you don't love 'em
Or there's too many of 'em
"Do They Know It's Christmas" is still going strong

Good voices are not really required, and silliness okay
No-one cares, just sing it out – it's Christmas Day!

It's a Santa slam-dunk
Full of tinsel and junk
About chimneys and socks at the end of the bed
You're sick to your gizzard
Of Slade and of Wizzard?
Ditch those songs from the past and buy this one instead

Exploiting the yuletide feelgood vibe, tills jingling all the way
With our song vaguely about a Christmas Day

Think what we could become…
A one-hit wonder, chum…
'Cause I'm no Brenda Lee
And you're no Crosby
This song's our ticket, Babe
Who needs a real career?
Crank it out every year, and just live off the royalties

No choice, every year and for all time, you'll never get away
We will belt this ditty out for Christmas Day!