I burnt the sauerkraut
And dried the lettuce thin
I need, “Cooking For Dummies”
To help me in my kitchen

Cut myself with a knife
And now the pasta’s stained
You smell my food
And Faint!

There’s a paperclip
In the casserole
Yeah, I thought I could cook
But my burgers taste like coal

(Yu-uck!)

When my oven’s on fire
Due to the French fries
And my dishes are full
Of flies!

It’s My Cooking!
Saw the blink of an eye (My fish are sure a fright!)
Gross!
It’s My Cooking!
When the dessert arrives, you’ll be chugging down your Sprite
Yuck!
It’s My Cooking!
And I’m serving some Tums for infected guts tonight

A chef of pain, torture, and creation
So how hot would you like your chicken wings?
On a gurney for your operation
That’s the last time you’ll eat my homemade onion rings

Bleah!

I need to learn to bake
And also learn to cook
But I can’t do neither, even from the book
Oh no!
Come and try the frog’s legs
Oops! They’re still alive
I’ll go make them
Deep-Fried!

It’s My Cooking!
Since you saw how I fry, you’re scared to take a bite
Gross!
It’s My Cooking!
With each platter of food your skin it grows more white
Ugh!
It’s My Cooking!
I’ve become the slayer of the decrepit tongues tonight!

The decrepit tongues!
And infected guts!

(A customer tries to argue with Steven Tyler about his awful food, but since his tongue died he just starts randomly yelling)

(Guitar Solo, While Steven Tyler prepares even more disastrous food)

“So from all of us at Steve’s Diner
To all of you out there in the dining room.
Remember, to tip your waiter, and don’t puke.
Thank You”