Took you to the hospital
You were sure you were ill
Some kind of infection was waking
You can wait up all night
Waiting for tics to bite
I always knew you were faking

You can take Tylenol
Have some Pepto-Bismol

Doctor says you're alright
Nothing more sleep can't fight
Do you want to hear "I told you so"

Come on buy me some Tums
'Cause you ate all mine, bum

Let me know that you won't always have hypochondria
You don't have a disease
You're just fine, can't you see?
Living to come down with the flu
You don't have a disease
Open wide, you're germ free
In a minute you will catch something new

And as soon as Doc says
"Your chest's congested"
I'll be shocked and surprised as can be

Can you wash germs away?
Will you eat soup all day?
Take me to a place that's not filthy
If you had Get-Well card
Would you take that to heart
Why do I feel that you're healthy?

Cover your mouth when you cough
It will keep those germs off

Let me know that you won't always have hypochondria
You don't have a disease
You're just fine, can't you see?
Living to come down with the flu
You don't have a disease
Open wide, you're germ free
In a minute you will catch something new

An as soon as Doc says
"Your chest's congested"
I'll be shocked and surprised as can be

There's a cat that you claim
Cause your sinuses pain
And I know that you forced me
To get rid of
Mine for you

You don't have a disease
(And I did)
You're just fine can't you see
Living to come down with the flu
You don't have a disease
Open wide, you're germ free
In a minute you will catch something new

And as soon as Doc says
"Your chest's congested"
I'll be shocked and surprised as can be
Oooh yeah yeah