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Song Parodies -> "Weird Jap Foods II"

Original Song Title:

"I Love You"

Original Performer:

Barney and the Backyard Gang

Parody Song Title:

"Weird Jap Foods II"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

More oddities...
Weird Jap foods,
No-stress milk fees,
Quarter gallon... $43!
Pizza lunch,
Kobe meat sounds great! Oh so good,
$66 from a Domino's not close to you!

Weird Jap foods,
Dare to eat,
Fugu can KILL you... or be a treat!
WTF?
Square watermelons? Is it true?
And are Matsutake Mushrooms good for you?

I'll never know, too much Yen to lose*!
* some prices:

- Nakazawa milk ¥4300
- Kobe pizza ¥6600
- Fugu ¥10000

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Jonathan - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
no comment... except that this technically counts as a comment I guess... shoot! 455
Rob Arndt - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Jon, I think the Kobe pizza would be awesome. Not sure about the others.
K. Watanabe - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Jap foods? JAP? Even my spell-check doesn't accept the word! It is an ethnic slur, reminiscent of WW2 propaganda. I am personally offended, but I will not report this. I let it stand as a testimony to your ignorance of the proper noun Japanese.
Rob Arndt - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
The OS title is 3 syllables. Weird Japanese Foods would be 5 syllables. The 2 is a tack-on. I don't usually use Jap except for parodies about WW2 topics. Btw, I'm ethnically German! A Jerry or a Kraut, take your pic. If you write about Kraut Foods I wouldn't be the slightest bit offended. Seriously.
Porfle Popnecker - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Well, my Dad was a Marine at Pearl Harbor in 1941 and, having survived that horrible sneak attack, later fought in the South Pacific at places like Guadalcanal. And the guys who were trying to kill him were Japs.
K. Watanabe - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
^ And if you were a Black American, we the Japanese called you Doujin. Dou means dirt, jin means person. So let's all clean up our act.
Rob Arndt - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
There's also Japanese Gaijin. It's supposed to be for all foreigners, but is mostly used racially against Whites. The Japanese also actively discriminate against the Ainu and families of occupation troops.
Porfle Popnecker - February 08, 2017 - Report this comment
The people who bombed Pearl Harbor and aligned with Hitler and Mussolini against the USA in WWII deserved to have a few slurs hurled at them, so let's just leave WWII out of it. My act is quite clean, thanks.
K. Watanabe - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Porfle — if, after 75 years, you can put Pearl Harbor and your father and the Jap talk aside, I can do the same about my nisei (second-generation American) grandparents who, a few months later, were forced from their home to a relocation center (concentration camp) in the Arizona desert.
Porfle Popnecker - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
My Dad saw thousands of people die horribly that day and for years to come in the South Pacific, and had nightmares about it every night for the rest of his life. I think your grandparents got off easy compared to that. You can be offended by a contemporary reference if you want, but leave the "WWII propaganda" stuff out if it because 1940s-era Japan brought that on themselves.
K. Watanabe - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
It is not WWII propaganda to state unequivocally that Japanese militarism, generally, and imperialistic overreach into Southeast Asia, specifically, and the Pearl Harbor attack, blatantly, ignited war in the Pacific. The horrors your Dad saw and endured cannot be overstated, but I will cite one which he probably didn't see, but which affected my extended ancestor family. The reason I do this is to promote civility, understanding and truth among tentative friends who once were hard enemies.
The U.S. firebombing of Tokyo is considered the single most deadly bombing raid in history. Its intent was to force the Japanese to an early surrender in the dying months of World War 2. The atomic bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki have dominated the retelling of WW2 history, but as a single attack the bombing of Tokyo was more destructive. The firestorms killed about 100,000 civilians and wiped out about half of the city.
The US military had waited for a clear and windy night to inflict maximum damage, and on March 9, 1945 the conditions were perfect. Three hundred B29 bombers dropped nearly 500,000 cylinders of napalm and petroleum jelly on the most densely populated areas of Tokyo. The raid, which came a month after the firebombing of Dresden, brought mass incineration of civilians to a new horrific level. The firestorm, hundreds of meters high and fuelled by strong winds, quickly turned 40 square kilometers of Tokyo into an inferno. The firebombing of Tokyo was designed to terrorize and bomb the Japanese into surrender. It was also seen as payback for the Pearl Harbor attacks and the mistreatment of Allied prisoners of war.
In just two days, more than 100,000 people were killed, a million were maimed and another million were made homeless. U.S. Air Force general Curtis LeMay, the man who ordered the raids across Japan, once said the US military "scorched and boiled and baked to death more people in Tokyo on that night ... than Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined." He acknowledged that if he had been on the losing side, he would be charged with war crimes.
And the evidence lies deep in the vaults of a memorial in central Tokyo, where large urns contain the ashes of more than 100,000 civilians. Most remain unidentified, but what is known is that the vast majority were women, children and elderly — the men were on the frontlines.
Patrick - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
People talk peace and worship war. The word "Jap" is historically correct when used in movies and novels set in WWII era. My local TV station now deletes that word from 1940's and 50's movies. It struck me at first that some of the dialog was being scratched in a bio-pic of Admiral Halsey. Then I finally figured out what the station censor was doing. Same thing happened in a broadcast of "Francis, The Talking Mule". The other day I saw a particularly meaningless film in which the expression "Son of a B*itch" was uttered rather frequently, but the word "wetback", referring to a Mexican immigrant was deleted. Wonder if the new FCC chairman will try and put a stop to this nonsense.
Rob Arndt - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
KW, Tokyo was also on the last short list for atomic bombing. It should have been the third target up for Aug 19- 22, 1945. But considering the near collapse of the IJA and IJN the target was moved back to Kokura which Bockscar passed-up due to heavy cloud cover. The secondary was Nagasaki. Tokyo got off the hook. Previously unreported was that the third plutonium bomb case was chalked "Tokyo Joe" the codename for the effort, Red Sunset. However, Tokyo was taken off the short list for US postwar administration. Had Japan continued after Aug 15th, bombs 3, 4, and 5 would have been dropped before Christmas 1945. It was ultimately planned to drop a total of 12 atomic bombs to destroy Japan's military and population centers through 1946 or until surrender.
Porfle Popnecker - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Sorry K.W., but you can go on all you want about all that and it won't change the fact that Japan brought it all on themselves. Start a war with another country with a heinous sneak attack such as Pearl Harbor and there's no complaining about whatever harsh retaliation there may be. The USA were tired of having to send thousands of our young men off to be violently killed or maimed against a fanatical foe who was ready to ultimately involve their civilian populace against us down to the last man, woman, and child. After four years of that, enough was enough.
K. Watanabe - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Kyoto was No. 1 on the list, but was withdrawn because the U.S. Secretary of War Henry Stimson, who had honeymooned there, said it was an important cultural center and “must not be bombed.” It's good to be Secretary of War.
Polish-American - February 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Porfle, KW clearly stated that Japan started the war in the Pacific. He asks only that you show some sympathy for his ancestors' varied and extreme sufferings, as he does for yours. But all you can say is that his people deserved what they got, down to the slurs, and that your suffering is the greater. You refuse his hand. You suffer because you are an incurable hater. I am embarrassed that you are my countryman.
Callmelennie - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Wow, it doesn't take much to be labeled a hater, does it Porf. Apparently, all you need to do is express one political opinion that is contrary to the current goodthink in the five and half years you've been on this website and voila, they finally have the "Real you" pegged. Doesn't matter that you've never expressed any political opinion whatsoever in any of your 435 parodies. Doesn't matter that the other 10,000 sentiments you've expressed here cut completely against this image, you tripleplusungoodthinker you. They all "know" who the "Real Porfle" is now!!! .... These people ..
Witness - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
My grandpa was island hopping and had to perform mud dog duty, climbing into holes with a Colt 1911A and risking his life when the dogs, flamethrower guys, and combat dozers weren't around. He killed seven Japs and was damn proud of it. The Japanese killed fourteen million from 1937-45. They committed many massacres, the raping of "comfort women" Asian and captured Western, did barbaric medical experiments on people without anesthetic, used chemical and biological warfare on the Chinese, the Bataan Death March, Pearl Harbor, The Rape of Nanking, looting, cannibalism, false white flag surrenders, hell ships, Kamikazes, and so on. God bless our USAAF that dropped napalm, incendiaries, and atomic bombs on these ruthless animals. I only wished they would have resisted more so that the United States and Britain could have wiped them off the face of the earth. It is estimated that between the years of 1895-1945 during two periods, the Japanese killed over 24 million Koreans, Chinese, Russians, Manchurians, Eastern Jews, other Asians, Western civilians, and Allied forces from many nations. Hirohito should have been hanged. Porfle is well within his rights to hate these people. And his Polish friend seems to forget Polish pogroms against Jews and killing them post Great War. You don't kill God's people and not get punished. The only good thing they did was to allow surviving Jews to "leave" Communist Poland after the war. The nation they had adopted, loved, and fought for. What scum.
Rob Arndt - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
KW, Kyoto was only number 1 on the second list and appeared further down to 7th on the third list. There is popular misconception about Stimson's role in having it removed. Usually the honeymoon story. But ultimately Kyoto was judged more of a cultural center and former capital of Japan. The United States did not want to be regarded by the world as just as barbaric as the Nazis and Imperial Japan. You will notice that Tokyo similarly was removed as well. Kokura was the firm third target. Numbers 4 and 5 would have been Yokohama and Niigata.
Polish-American - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Well then, Witness, since you are so understanding of eternal hatred, you must be sympathetic to the murderous instincts of present-day Muslims who invoke the Crusades!
Faith, Forgiveness and Vigilance - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
What would Jesus say? I don't think He would say "He killed seven Japs and was damn proud of it...... God bless our USAAF that dropped napalm, incendiaries, and atomic bombs on these ruthless animals. I only wished they would have resisted more so that the United States and Britain could have wiped them off the face of the earth." Such abiding hatred lies at the dead end of Civilization.
Witness - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
My grandpa fought the greatest evil of the twentieth century. And YHWH did say to the Israelites kill every man, woman, and child... even their cattle when confronting the murderous inhabitants of Canaan that worshipped false gods and demons. Sodom and Gomorrah were nuked too with fire and brimstone. Get off your high horse, you Bible student wannabe.
@Polish-American - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
You must be really dumb, and not in a Pollack way! Why? Because there are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world and only a few hundred thousand fanatics. Do the math.
Patrick - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
I've heard that the US only had three bombs available. After Hiroshima and Nagasaki only one remained. When could a fourth bomb have been available? Wars have to end sometime. Or do we have to continue to hate the way our parents and grandparents hated? Barbarism isn't confined to any race, religion, or political party. It's not even confined to the Barbarians. "Civilized" people can do it more efficiently and on a grander scale. And can even distance themselves from the object of their destruction.
Polish-American - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
I did the math. It's precisely those few hundred thousand Muslim fanatics who are still pissed off about the Crusades. The rest have moved on.
^ Excellent comment, Patrick. Regarding bomb availability, I believe the U.S. had enough plutonium ready for assembly of 12 more bombs after the first three. Should have been able to do the progression in weeks.
Rob Arndt - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, I don't think there is an accurate account of verified production for 1945. Two bombs were dropped in August with one halted is three. At least one bomb in September and October were planned for hitting Yokohama and Niigata before the Allied invasion on November 1, 1945. This was Operation Olympic, part of Operation Downfall. So at least 3 more bombs would be available in 1945. The 12 referred to above was for the entire planned Fall 1945 and Spring 1946 (Operation Coronet) invasions leading into 1947 projected surrender. Actual stockpile numbers are not available. Some sources claim 7 bombs were made in 1945- total. The US tested 8 bombs up to 1949.
Porfle Popnecker - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
@ Callmelennie -- Thanks for the support! @Polish-American -- If my comments have somehow made you embarrassed to share the same country with me, I'm afraid that's your problem. You know nothing about me, and it's my guess that you know considerably less about most things than you think you do.
@Polish-American - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
The Crusades have nothing to do with ISIS. Daesh views the world as the end times and wants to usher in the apocalypse. They have stated this many times over. Their plan is to destroy infidels, plural- anyone who is not a devout Muslim adhering to Sharia Law. Porfle is right, you don't know what you are talking about.
Polish-American - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
^ My detractor painfully states the obvious: of course, ISIS (or DAESH) adheres strictly to Islam as it was hundreds of years ago. It is Prophetic and apocalyptic. But how do they try to prevail? In great part, as I said, by invoking the Crusades. For the Islamic State, the term “Crusade” is instrumental in describing the West and its actions. References to crusades and crusaders can be found repeatedly and frequently in statements, propaganda publications, and videos released by the Islamic State magazine Dabiq, as well as references to "Rome" and such crusade icons. In their rhetoric, the Crusades invoke a defensive war of Islam against an invader from the West, and crusaders are those come to kill Muslims and rob them of their land and autonomy.
According to ISIS, the world today is at war, and there are only two sides. As Dabiq explains, referencing the former U.S. president, “Bush spoke the truth when he said, ‘Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists.’ i.e., either you are with the Crusade or you are with Islam.” Much as the historic leaders Zengi, Nur ed-din, and Saladin during the original Crusades, they use attack by the West as a rallying point to unite all Muslims for a great religious war. The cultural memories they intend to call up are of uniting in Jihad against those infidels who would take Islamic lands and attack Islamic peoples, and of repulsing them as the Muslim forces did against Crusaders at Edessa, then Jerusalem, and finally Acre.
The word "crusade" is used by ISIS as deliberate and precise means to draw direct comparisons between the United States and its Western allies, and particularly their militaries, and the crusaders of medieval times. In many cases, it is even taken beyond this, to the point where crusader is synonymous with the ultimate enemies of Islam, who will fight the faithful at the end of the world.
Every reference to Westerners by the Islamic State is prefaced with this title:“Crusader in chief” Barack Obama, “the Crusader General Dempsey,” “the Jewish Crusader” Henry Kissinger, airstrikes conducted by “crusader aircraft” and so on. They relentlessly keep this image in the minds of anyone reading or listening to them, using the modern image of the Crusades in the Middle East as a defense of land and religion, making certain the Westerners are always seen as invaders and religious enemies by their audience. They refer to crusader armies and crusader media, and even American citizens who remain at home are “crusader ‘civilians’” through association with the government they elected and obey, making them implicitly guilty for the conflict in the Middle East and legitimizing them as targets.
Rob Arndt - February 10, 2017 - Report this comment
People, how have we gone from weird Japanese foods to the Crusades? Seriously, you all need some Nakazawa milk! We'll need about 2 gallons which would be ¥ 344000!

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