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Song Parodies -> "Dumb Blonde"
Original Song Title:
"Gaston"
Original Performer:
Beauty and the Beast
Parody Song Title:
"Dumb Blonde"
Parody Written by:
EmiLoca
The Lyrics
Okay, everyone. Get your groans out NOW.
[Guy:]
Gosh, it's absurd that I'd date you, dumb blonde
You sounded smart on the phone
Now I think I'd like to mate you, dumb blonde
Your brain cell won't die alone
The girl who can't use her alarm clock at night
(The AM display, it defies)
Even the back of your head is a sight
When I'm looking deep into your eyes...
No one's real like a blonde
Has appeal like a blonde
No one frustrates when drowning an eel like a blonde
You're the woman who's flattered by drooling,
Gal who proofreads M&Ms
When I tell you of nuclear fission
You ask which bait I use – what a farcical gem!
[Chorus:]
No one strikes like a blonde
[Blonde:]
Hogs the mike like a blonde!
Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!
[Chorus:]
Now our own English language, she's desecrating
Geez, what a sleaze, that dumb blonde!
Don't mind her boobs
That look like blocks
[Guy:]
It's not her fault Kleenex
Come inside a box!
[Blonde:]
(Ooh, burn.)
[Chorus:]
No...one's...hot like a blonde
[Guy:]
Knows Jack Squat like a blonde
No one shamelessly names Zebras "Spot" like a blonde
Five foot five and an IQ of thirty
But a choleric minx underneath
If she throws a pin at you in fury
Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth
No one's vain like a blonde
Half-insane like a blonde
(Though it's rare to have half of a brain like a blonde)
[Blonde:]
I'm especially flattered by salivating!
[Retard:]
Ptooey!
[Chorus:]
Enjoy this dumb blonde!
[Blonde:]
When I was sixteen, I did half-cousins then,
But the babies were all reassigned
But now I do only one first-cousin, "Ben"
So I'll know that the babies are MINE!
[Chorus:]
*absolute silence*
No...one...screws like a blonde
Gets confused like a blonde
[Guy:]
Then, by extended fam'ly, gets used like a blonde!
[Blonde:]
Though my mutated kids are incriminating...
[Chorus:]
Say it again
Who has lain with all men?
And then say it once more
Who's the dearest of whores?
Who's the girl in distress
We'll all help to undress?
Sunlit locks with all logic withdrawn
There's just one girl in town who goes down in renown
[Blonde:]
And her name's B-L-O- N -
B-L-O-E - N -
B-L-E-O-E - oh!
[Chorus:]
Dumb blonde!
Gosh, it's absurd that I'd date you, dumb blonde
You sounded smart on the phone
Now I think I'd like to mate you, dumb blonde
Your brain cell won't die alone
The girl who can't use her alarm clock at night
(The AM display, it defies)
Even the back of your head is a sight
When I'm looking deep into your eyes...
No one's real like a blonde
Has appeal like a blonde
No one frustrates when drowning an eel like a blonde
You're the woman who's flattered by drooling,
Gal who proofreads M&Ms
When I tell you of nuclear fission
You ask which bait I use – what a farcical gem!
[Chorus:]
No one strikes like a blonde
[Blonde:]
Hogs the mike like a blonde!
Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!
[Chorus:]
Now our own English language, she's desecrating
Geez, what a sleaze, that dumb blonde!
Don't mind her boobs
That look like blocks
[Guy:]
It's not her fault Kleenex
Come inside a box!
[Blonde:]
(Ooh, burn.)
[Chorus:]
No...one's...hot like a blonde
[Guy:]
Knows Jack Squat like a blonde
No one shamelessly names Zebras "Spot" like a blonde
Five foot five and an IQ of thirty
But a choleric minx underneath
If she throws a pin at you in fury
Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth
No one's vain like a blonde
Half-insane like a blonde
(Though it's rare to have half of a brain like a blonde)
[Blonde:]
I'm especially flattered by salivating!
[Retard:]
Ptooey!
[Chorus:]
Enjoy this dumb blonde!
[Blonde:]
When I was sixteen, I did half-cousins then,
But the babies were all reassigned
But now I do only one first-cousin, "Ben"
So I'll know that the babies are MINE!
[Chorus:]
*absolute silence*
No...one...screws like a blonde
Gets confused like a blonde
[Guy:]
Then, by extended fam'ly, gets used like a blonde!
[Blonde:]
Though my mutated kids are incriminating...
[Chorus:]
Say it again
Who has lain with all men?
And then say it once more
Who's the dearest of whores?
Who's the girl in distress
We'll all help to undress?
Sunlit locks with all logic withdrawn
There's just one girl in town who goes down in renown
[Blonde:]
And her name's B-L-O- N -
B-L-O-E - N -
B-L-E-O-E - oh!
[Chorus:]
Dumb blonde!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 31 | 31 | 31 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
I don't think you missed a single dumb blond joke... well, ok, maybe one. 5's
Kleenex line was my fave but the whole thing was great.
Lyrically and satirically, a profound pirouette from our brainy brunette!
Awesome, EmiLoca - I've had this on my "to-do" list for, well.. years actually, but still haven't come up with the right target. Some super lines (and I'd not heard the "proofreading M&Ms" joke before).
"Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!" Hilarious EmiLoca, and I too had not heard of the proofreading M&Ms.
Very well done, EmiLoca. What everybody else said, plus the zebra line and the conclusion.
I. am. not. worthy.
I need to, like, hunt down the OS.
I need to, like, hunt down the OS.
A special thanks to everyone who left me comments and a normal thanks to everyone who is left handed.
A heck of a lot better than my version of this song!!! Congrats!!
I just saw a production of Beauty and the Beast at a local theater, so this song was already in my head, and this version was so great I had to sing it aloud! 555.
ha! - excellent :-) - 555
(SOTM) This month's vote iss gonna be SO. DAMNED. HARD.
heh heh. Sharp and funny all the way through, Emi. I was waiting for screens full of white-out and asking for directions while falling, but you one-upped that with stuff like, "If she throws a pin at you in fury Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth". You got a gift, and it seems to manifest itself well in Disney tunes.
(SOTM) That's like, funny.
(SOTM) Ahh, after www.ginevra2000.it/Disney/Midi/gaston.mid this was even more onjoyarbla. If only I had a vocal range...
SOTM-Funny, 5's!
(SOTM) I don't know the song, Emi, but that didn't stop me from enjoying every last line. My favorite line..."If she throws a pin at you in fury Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth." Hehehe
SOTM - What did the blonde who gave birth to twins do? Went out to look for the other father!
Why did the blonde put up barb wire around her bed? So that she could have safe sex!
Why did the blonde through her underwear on the wall in the morning to see if it got stuck? To see if she had a good time the night before!
Why did the blonde girl have shiners around her navel? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
Why did the blonde put up barb wire around her bed? So that she could have safe sex!
Why did the blonde through her underwear on the wall in the morning to see if it got stuck? To see if she had a good time the night before!
Why did the blonde girl have shiners around her navel? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
(SOTM)
(SOTM) See above, first comment.
SOTM...I know I've read this before...and yet, there is no comment. Hmmm...it could very well be that I was dying my dark roots to match my blonde ends, and therefore was unable to type. This is VERY good, Emi...I totally dig it, and agree with 2nz that you've got a way with Disney songs...=)
(SOTM) See above!
(SOTM) That's like, you know, totally, like awesome, and stuff
(SOTM) Commented before. I guess you did leave out the life-saver joke.
(SOTM) Lots of great lines in this one. Bravo ! 555
Hilarious! Being blond, I'm clueless as to whether the blonde jokes here are being widely circulated behind my back or whether you made them up for our benefit. Care to elaborate, parody prodigy? They're all funny, but I particularly liked the grenade and zebra and Kleenex ones. Oh, and "fission." And knowing who the real mother is. This is awesome.
(SOTM) Of course you have to proofread M&Ms! You wouldn't want to get stuck with a W, would you? Great work.
Man, what a lame comment I left the first time................*absolute silence*
(SOTM) Geez, I missed some CLASSY parodies this month! Emi, you truly are a geniusette....555
SOTM. Loved it from start to finish, even though I am blonde in the brain. Great work.
(2005 SOTY) See above. Beauty? This is a beast! Enjoyed reading this again.
(SOTY 06) see above
"Your brain cell won't die alone" - like heh heh. And, like, ditto, like, what Spaff said.
Third Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,12779.0.html
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,12779.0.html
I might be going to hell but my favorite part was Retard: "Ptooey" I was rolling. Great parody and I don't know how I missed it.
meh it was to long for me to read i couldnt be stuffed it kinda wasted my time i dont like reading i dont get it anyway what was it a song a book a show ??????
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