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Song Parodies -> "H - M - D'Oh!"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest!"
Original Performer:
Beauty and the Beast - Disney
Parody Song Title:
"H - M - D'Oh!"
Parody Written by:
TJC
The Lyrics
Ever wonder what managed health care's like for the Simpson's? ... Turns out Springfield's pretty much like everywhere else... YouTube instrumental version here.
Dearest subscriber 568-A-JRK--0FF— It is with the deepest ennui and flattest affect that we incuriously welcome your managed carcas. And now, we invite you to wait… wait… cough up several co-pays… then wait… as Springfield's Wellness n' Ancillary Nuclear Storage Facility apathetically prepares – your admission!
[Homer]
H – M – O!
H-M-O!
[Dr. Julius Hibbart]
Hell, that ‘H’ is just for show!
And I'll, yes—under duress—confess
Our ‘M’ is also faux!
[Smithers]
When you come here all sick
We’d prefer you ‘check out’ quick
[Mr. Burns]
Linger-on—our profits suck it
[Nurse Krusty]
Be a pal and—kick the bucket!
[Mr. Burns]
Our ‘health’ plans—games of chance
Rigged to harvest cash from pants!
[Hibbart]
Though we love your ‘quid’ we’re stingy with ‘pro quo’
[Nurse Krusty]
Bring on your hemophilia
I’ll stiletto ‘heel’ ya’
Hey Van Gogh!
‘Ear you go…
HMO!
[Homer]
If I'm ill, indisposed,
Ruptured spleen’d or broken nosed?
[Sideshow Bob]
Or my 4-plus hour stiffie’s smelling iffy—?
[ Nurse Krusty ]
Guys, you’re hosed!
[Homer]
Massive stroke, turning blue?
[ Krusty ]
Here’s a Band-Aid—scram, adieu!
[Sideshow Bob]
Quell my outrage!
[Homer]
Quit complaining?
[Mr. Burns]
My accountants *know* you’re feigning!
[Smithers]
“We’ll deny - care you want”
[Mr. Burns]
Read your contract’s 3 point font
[Smithers]
‘Cause ‘OurAss®’ is all that’s covered don’cha know?
[Krusty]
Enjoy ze Mu-zak tracks—
While we de-booze our quacks
[Homer]
Are HMO’s - Satan’s grail?
[Mr. Burns]
Ask our spokesman - Christian Bale!
[Dr. Hibbart]
Apropos!
[Homer]
Down I go?
[All]
H-M-D'Oh!
[Dr. Hibbart spoken: Now, take in a slow, deep breath…]
[Homer, sung]
What's that sweet aroma?
[Dr. Hibbart]
Most our staff have “Phelp’s Glaucoma”
See our clerks brush-up on ‘jerk’ in mute tableaus
Ah, those good old days of fee-for-service...
Suddenly they’re ‘Doc n’ Pony’ shows!
[Smithers]
Hours we keep you waiting—
[Smithers]
Thins the herds—
[Homer]
it’s Tesh-ly grating!]
[Mr. Burns]
Yet these tactics buy my jets and haute chateaus
Denials are the life-blood of my system!
Reining and constraining—
[Krusty]
And we call it “Health McBlaine'ing”!
[Homer]
I limped in – broken toe...
[Krusty]
You'll depart – a kidney low!
Don’t be pissed—it’s on Craig’s List
So you can buy it back, you know!
[Homer]
ADD? Broken legs?
[Krusty]
Say hello to Doctah Dregs!
[Smithers]
M.D.-J.D.’s manning gurneys—
[M.D.'s]
We're our own defense attorneys!
[Drs. Hibbart & Dregs]
Like Doc Phil - and Kildare
We’ve degrees in ‘savoir-faire’
Charming bullies pulling woolies o’er your eyes!
[Smithers]
Barrack can’t save you, Mitch—
[Mr. Burns]
The FDA’s my bitch!
[Homer]
It’s no surprise
F.B.I.’s
On my case
[Burns]
For spreading LIES!
[Marge]
HMO - plastics, Whoa!
[Krusty]
Butt, where else you gonna go?
You’d trust Bed, Bath and Behind™ ,
Or Circus Titty’s ‘Dome Depot™’?
[Dr. Hibbart]
We’ll re-‘vamp’ - your bust’s ramps
[Dr. Dregs]
With our peanut-paste implants!
[Burns]
Flying cheap Dow™ ‘Nutty Jugs’ in—
[Krusty]
Oops! Yours landed in Jen Hudson!
[Marge]
B i g – t i m e – c r o o k s!
[Homer]
M e d i - M o b!
[Sideshow Bob]
Bada bing’ing ‘Doogie Schwabs’!
[Burns]
And I've just retained the perfect C.E.O.!
[Smithers]
So doff your minion’s hat off
To Chief… Bernie Madoff!
[Marge]
H-M-O?
[Smithers]
H-M-Owe?
[Homer]
H-M-D’Oh?
[ All ]
IT’S... H – M – DOUGH!!!
~
(Krusty, spoken: Don’t worry, you’ll only feel a little prick…)
(Homer: ..Ooo!)
~
[Homer]
H – M – O!
H-M-O!
[Dr. Julius Hibbart]
Hell, that ‘H’ is just for show!
And I'll, yes—under duress—confess
Our ‘M’ is also faux!
[Smithers]
When you come here all sick
We’d prefer you ‘check out’ quick
[Mr. Burns]
Linger-on—our profits suck it
[Nurse Krusty]
Be a pal and—kick the bucket!
[Mr. Burns]
Our ‘health’ plans—games of chance
Rigged to harvest cash from pants!
[Hibbart]
Though we love your ‘quid’ we’re stingy with ‘pro quo’
[Nurse Krusty]
Bring on your hemophilia
I’ll stiletto ‘heel’ ya’
Hey Van Gogh!
‘Ear you go…
HMO!
[Homer]
If I'm ill, indisposed,
Ruptured spleen’d or broken nosed?
[Sideshow Bob]
Or my 4-plus hour stiffie’s smelling iffy—?
[ Nurse Krusty ]
Guys, you’re hosed!
[Homer]
Massive stroke, turning blue?
[ Krusty ]
Here’s a Band-Aid—scram, adieu!
[Sideshow Bob]
Quell my outrage!
[Homer]
Quit complaining?
[Mr. Burns]
My accountants *know* you’re feigning!
[Smithers]
“We’ll deny - care you want”
[Mr. Burns]
Read your contract’s 3 point font
[Smithers]
‘Cause ‘OurAss®’ is all that’s covered don’cha know?
[Krusty]
Enjoy ze Mu-zak tracks—
While we de-booze our quacks
[Homer]
Are HMO’s - Satan’s grail?
[Mr. Burns]
Ask our spokesman - Christian Bale!
[Dr. Hibbart]
Apropos!
[Homer]
Down I go?
[All]
H-M-D'Oh!
[Dr. Hibbart spoken: Now, take in a slow, deep breath…]
[Homer, sung]
What's that sweet aroma?
[Dr. Hibbart]
Most our staff have “Phelp’s Glaucoma”
See our clerks brush-up on ‘jerk’ in mute tableaus
Ah, those good old days of fee-for-service...
Suddenly they’re ‘Doc n’ Pony’ shows!
[Smithers]
Hours we keep you waiting—
[Smithers]
Thins the herds—
[Homer]
it’s Tesh-ly grating!]
[Mr. Burns]
Yet these tactics buy my jets and haute chateaus
Denials are the life-blood of my system!
Reining and constraining—
[Krusty]
And we call it “Health McBlaine'ing”!
[Homer]
I limped in – broken toe...
[Krusty]
You'll depart – a kidney low!
Don’t be pissed—it’s on Craig’s List
So you can buy it back, you know!
[Homer]
ADD? Broken legs?
[Krusty]
Say hello to Doctah Dregs!
[Smithers]
M.D.-J.D.’s manning gurneys—
[M.D.'s]
We're our own defense attorneys!
[Drs. Hibbart & Dregs]
Like Doc Phil - and Kildare
We’ve degrees in ‘savoir-faire’
Charming bullies pulling woolies o’er your eyes!
[Smithers]
Barrack can’t save you, Mitch—
[Mr. Burns]
The FDA’s my bitch!
[Homer]
It’s no surprise
F.B.I.’s
On my case
[Burns]
For spreading LIES!
[Marge]
HMO - plastics, Whoa!
[Krusty]
Butt, where else you gonna go?
You’d trust Bed, Bath and Behind™ ,
Or Circus Titty’s ‘Dome Depot™’?
[Dr. Hibbart]
We’ll re-‘vamp’ - your bust’s ramps
[Dr. Dregs]
With our peanut-paste implants!
[Burns]
Flying cheap Dow™ ‘Nutty Jugs’ in—
[Krusty]
Oops! Yours landed in Jen Hudson!
[Marge]
B i g – t i m e – c r o o k s!
[Homer]
M e d i - M o b!
[Sideshow Bob]
Bada bing’ing ‘Doogie Schwabs’!
[Burns]
And I've just retained the perfect C.E.O.!
[Smithers]
So doff your minion’s hat off
To Chief… Bernie Madoff!
[Marge]
H-M-O?
[Smithers]
H-M-Owe?
[Homer]
H-M-D’Oh?
[ All ]
IT’S... H – M – DOUGH!!!
~
(Krusty, spoken: Don’t worry, you’ll only feel a little prick…)
(Homer: ..Ooo!)
~
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| 5 | 11 | 11 | 11 |
User Comments
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You've written a Hollywood Scream play, here
As huge fan of both the Simpsons and of fabulous parodies, there was no way I wasn't going to love this, TJC! All of the names in the middles threw me off a little bit...but it was SO worth it to imagine each character singing their assigned lines. Great fun!!
Thanks guys! And Arwen, I realized the [insert character name]'s well and truly messed with the flow, but, like Homer, couldn't imagine my way around it!
Not a Simpson's fan, so surely missed half the refs, but still way TMGLTM: quid pro quo, stilleto heel ya, the kidney on CL, and "Bed, Bath and Behind™ ,Or Circus Ti*ty’s ‘Dome Depot™’" was a RFL... DK who Jen Hudson is, but "landed in Hudson" was a wonderful connection to a recent event. "Barrack can’t save you, Mitch—The FDA’s my b****!" Brilliant, and I won't tell the Prez ya misspelled his name :-)
555+++, and where TF are all the votes and comments on this doctorpiece (that's higher than a masterpiece)?
555+++, and where TF are all the votes and comments on this doctorpiece (that's higher than a masterpiece)?
I don't watch the Simpsons, but this is an outstanding parody. Definitely TMGLTM and TT listed most of my faves anyway, but the "hat-off/Madoff" couplet also stood out for me.
wow...great job....more than a song parody...its a short syory
Excellent parody well written pace is perfect, This should be submitted to the simpsons producers i'd love to hear the characters belt thisnumber out 555
TJC taking on Be Our Guest to a Simpsons theme - anticipation from new submissions level doesn't get much better - dazzling work here TJC - are you going for The Big 7 by any chance? - hope so - 555 - loved the finale
Yeah, this is awesome
Nothing short of a brilliant masterpiece. Every writer on this site would love to have written it.
Marvellous.. I'm a sucker for "Be Our Guest" parodies, and this is absolutely first class. Send it off to Matt Groenig - see if you can get it used. Now, *that* would be brilliant :-D
An epic masterpiece!!!!
Thanks so much all!
Tommy: Thou art truly kind, sir... but thou knowest, Homer-opathic medical humor almost writes itself! And, thanks for such a pro-max NFL-style highlight reel!
John J: Thanks! A bit of a reach but it was either 'hat off' or 'Mad Hoff', either sufficiently Simpsonesque, eh?
Alvin: Appreciate it! This OS doth runneth on... and on...
Gari J: Thanks... wouldn't that be a treat?!
Stuart: Awwww! Gracias! And if by 'Big Seven' you're referring to Chancroid balanitis, HPV, Gonorrhea, Sarcoptes scabiei, Chlamydiae, Herpes and Syphilis..., well, been there--done that!
Claude: Thanks... (BTW, I love your stuff!)
Dee: Yer generous of spirit but way too kind, sir... in fact 'they' might be better served ogling your ever excellent and expanding oeuvre!
Phil: Thanks guy... I was heavily influenced by your 'up-tempo' take on this classic OS--"I'm Erect!" Now there's a 'master'piece'... on *so* many levels!
Mark: Appreciate it... I've just started looking at your emerging slant on things... great stuff!
Tommy: Thou art truly kind, sir... but thou knowest, Homer-opathic medical humor almost writes itself! And, thanks for such a pro-max NFL-style highlight reel!
John J: Thanks! A bit of a reach but it was either 'hat off' or 'Mad Hoff', either sufficiently Simpsonesque, eh?
Alvin: Appreciate it! This OS doth runneth on... and on...
Gari J: Thanks... wouldn't that be a treat?!
Stuart: Awwww! Gracias! And if by 'Big Seven' you're referring to Chancroid balanitis, HPV, Gonorrhea, Sarcoptes scabiei, Chlamydiae, Herpes and Syphilis..., well, been there--done that!
Claude: Thanks... (BTW, I love your stuff!)
Dee: Yer generous of spirit but way too kind, sir... in fact 'they' might be better served ogling your ever excellent and expanding oeuvre!
Phil: Thanks guy... I was heavily influenced by your 'up-tempo' take on this classic OS--"I'm Erect!" Now there's a 'master'piece'... on *so* many levels!
Mark: Appreciate it... I've just started looking at your emerging slant on things... great stuff!
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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