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Song Parodies -> "Touch Your Chest"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest"
Original Performer:
Beauty And The Beast Soundtrack
Parody Song Title:
"Touch Your Chest"
Parody Written by:
Invisible Boy
The Lyrics
Touch Your Chest
[IB]
My dear Fiancée…it is with utmost hope
and optimism that I dine with you tonight.
And now…I have something to mention…
Laissez-nous juste la coupe à la chasse
As Chevalier once said… “J’aime ces bon…
Bon Bons ”
Touch you chest! Touch your chest!
Won’t you grant me this request ?
Let me take these sweaty hands…mon cher
And feel where you’ve been blessed
Though I love
Sucking face
Let me get to second base
They’re so tempting
[waiter]
And gigantic…
[IB]
There now…isn’t this romantic ?
They’re so full
They’re so round
Time to let them be unbound
After dinner give your Maidenform a rest
Come on…I long to pet thee
Take a chance and let me
Touch Your Chest ! Touch Your Chest ! Touch Your Chest !
[All the other patrons in the café start to sing…]
Mounds of joy
Bags of fun
Why not let him be “the one” ?
[IB]
Let me tear your underwear
And still respect you when I’m done
Hear me beg
Hear my plea
See me falling on one knee
Though I’m thinking of your cleavage
Now I’m staring at your beavage
See me stand
See me dance
See the pup-tent in my pants
[Patrons]
And that tent is rather large
And growing yet…
Come on…don’t be a prude
Allow this horny dude
To touch your chest
[IB]
Let me nest
In that place beneath your vest
[Patrons]
Touch Your Chest! Touch Your Chest! Touch Your Chest!
Let your jugs be decompressed
‘Cuz a rack you do not lack
And such a snack…has us impressed
It won’t hurt
Not a bit
Think of it as tat for tit
Since he’s paying for the dinner
Why not send him home a winner ?
Such a handsome monsieur
Though his pair have turned azure
And his love for you he’s certainly professed
Just show a little skin
And let him take a spin
Around your chest
[IB]
Be her guest ?
[Patrons]
Touch Her Chest !
[IB]
I can’t help this urgin’
I’m a virgin who is vergin’
On a breakdown…if I can’t get some release
Ah, those days in High School showed such promise
Though I tried…I never got a piece…
Ten years I’ve been waiting
Reading personals and dating
Trying everything…to get girls to put-out
Most times it was movies, plays and letters
Phone calls, tears and drama
I met you and schwing-a-rama!
[Suddenly an old lady in the next booth, who has been listening to everything tears off her blouse, jumps-up and sings…]
Who’d have guessed ? Who’d have guessed ?
With this young man I’d be blessed!
Long I’ve prayed and this soiree
Seems like the answer to my quest
Just grab hold…s’il vous plait
Sir…this is your lucky day
Though these pups may be a’ saggin'
You’ll be brayin’
You’ll be braggin’
Lift ‘em up…cop a feel
Heaven knows! These tubes are real…
I’m as sincere as a cardiac arrest
[Patrons]
We think we’re gonna hurl…
[Old lady]
I’m just your kinda girl
So touch my chest
[Patrons]
We’re distressed !
[Old lady]
And the rest !
[Patrons]
She's possessed !
She’s obsessed! We suggest! Please get dressed!
Touch your chest! Touch your chest!
My desire can’t be suppressed
Now my hand is shaking and it needs to land
Without protest
On those orbs…and with ease
I’ll be giving them a squeeze
Now those knockers need some knocking
Let my fingers do the walking
Left and right…side by side
Let me climb your great divide
‘Cuz your peaks are like those Rockies way out West
Tonight with my caressing
Soon you’ll be “expressing”
From your chest !
Two abreast !
“Do not rest…
Please…Touch…My…Chest !”
IB
[IB]
My dear Fiancée…it is with utmost hope
and optimism that I dine with you tonight.
And now…I have something to mention…
Laissez-nous juste la coupe à la chasse
As Chevalier once said… “J’aime ces bon…
Bon Bons ”
Touch you chest! Touch your chest!
Won’t you grant me this request ?
Let me take these sweaty hands…mon cher
And feel where you’ve been blessed
Though I love
Sucking face
Let me get to second base
They’re so tempting
[waiter]
And gigantic…
[IB]
There now…isn’t this romantic ?
They’re so full
They’re so round
Time to let them be unbound
After dinner give your Maidenform a rest
Come on…I long to pet thee
Take a chance and let me
Touch Your Chest ! Touch Your Chest ! Touch Your Chest !
[All the other patrons in the café start to sing…]
Mounds of joy
Bags of fun
Why not let him be “the one” ?
[IB]
Let me tear your underwear
And still respect you when I’m done
Hear me beg
Hear my plea
See me falling on one knee
Though I’m thinking of your cleavage
Now I’m staring at your beavage
See me stand
See me dance
See the pup-tent in my pants
[Patrons]
And that tent is rather large
And growing yet…
Come on…don’t be a prude
Allow this horny dude
To touch your chest
[IB]
Let me nest
In that place beneath your vest
[Patrons]
Touch Your Chest! Touch Your Chest! Touch Your Chest!
Let your jugs be decompressed
‘Cuz a rack you do not lack
And such a snack…has us impressed
It won’t hurt
Not a bit
Think of it as tat for tit
Since he’s paying for the dinner
Why not send him home a winner ?
Such a handsome monsieur
Though his pair have turned azure
And his love for you he’s certainly professed
Just show a little skin
And let him take a spin
Around your chest
[IB]
Be her guest ?
[Patrons]
Touch Her Chest !
[IB]
I can’t help this urgin’
I’m a virgin who is vergin’
On a breakdown…if I can’t get some release
Ah, those days in High School showed such promise
Though I tried…I never got a piece…
Ten years I’ve been waiting
Reading personals and dating
Trying everything…to get girls to put-out
Most times it was movies, plays and letters
Phone calls, tears and drama
I met you and schwing-a-rama!
[Suddenly an old lady in the next booth, who has been listening to everything tears off her blouse, jumps-up and sings…]
Who’d have guessed ? Who’d have guessed ?
With this young man I’d be blessed!
Long I’ve prayed and this soiree
Seems like the answer to my quest
Just grab hold…s’il vous plait
Sir…this is your lucky day
Though these pups may be a’ saggin'
You’ll be brayin’
You’ll be braggin’
Lift ‘em up…cop a feel
Heaven knows! These tubes are real…
I’m as sincere as a cardiac arrest
[Patrons]
We think we’re gonna hurl…
[Old lady]
I’m just your kinda girl
So touch my chest
[Patrons]
We’re distressed !
[Old lady]
And the rest !
[Patrons]
She's possessed !
She’s obsessed! We suggest! Please get dressed!
Touch your chest! Touch your chest!
My desire can’t be suppressed
Now my hand is shaking and it needs to land
Without protest
On those orbs…and with ease
I’ll be giving them a squeeze
Now those knockers need some knocking
Let my fingers do the walking
Left and right…side by side
Let me climb your great divide
‘Cuz your peaks are like those Rockies way out West
Tonight with my caressing
Soon you’ll be “expressing”
From your chest !
Two abreast !
“Do not rest…
Please…Touch…My…Chest !”
IB
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 26 | 26 | 26 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Dare I say it that Invisible Boy is the next in line to Spaff or Kristof Robinson? Fantastic!
fits the tone of the OS well while at the same time contrasts...nice one...uh....two
Marvellous :-) Funny how this one lends itself to risqué sort of parodies - this could almost be a sequel to http://www.amiright.com/parody/90s/disney12.shtml
You suave rascal, you...Very devilish,...You've written a complete parody play, here
Thanks for the comments everyone
Agri...WOW...a compliment I really appreciate, but don't really deserve
alvin...thanks...I guess it's a pair
Phil...thanks for the URL.Yours was excellent, as you know ...it being a former SOTM and a silver for SOTY.
When I decide to try and write something I always "search" the OS here to make sure I'm not being redundant. I figure if my title (or something very similar) hasn't been done, I'm OK. If I start to read a bunch of parodies of the OS beforehand, it sometimes makes me self-conscious about my own ideas. It's hard to be original on a song like this that's been done so many times. Although I used a few of the same lines as you (cardiac arrest) I hope you feel that this was still a novel enough approach to stand on it's own
AFW...the devil made me write this epic ;-)
Agri...WOW...a compliment I really appreciate, but don't really deserve
alvin...thanks...I guess it's a pair
Phil...thanks for the URL.Yours was excellent, as you know ...it being a former SOTM and a silver for SOTY.
When I decide to try and write something I always "search" the OS here to make sure I'm not being redundant. I figure if my title (or something very similar) hasn't been done, I'm OK. If I start to read a bunch of parodies of the OS beforehand, it sometimes makes me self-conscious about my own ideas. It's hard to be original on a song like this that's been done so many times. Although I used a few of the same lines as you (cardiac arrest) I hope you feel that this was still a novel enough approach to stand on it's own
AFW...the devil made me write this epic ;-)
Thanks, IB - that one is one of my favourites of mine, yes. (damn Spaff for his Shakespearean Pie). and of course I wasn't meaning to imply any kind of plagiarism: any similarity (such as using "cardiac arrest" as a rhyme) is inevitable when you've got so many "-est" rhymes to make. But it did make me think (at least until the old lady intervenes - now that was a kink I *didn't* expect) that it worked as a sequel.
I tend to do the same sort of thing with ideas (especially if they seem the sort of thing someone's bound to have done before.. 'cause they frequently have)
I tend to do the same sort of thing with ideas (especially if they seem the sort of thing someone's bound to have done before.. 'cause they frequently have)
These Knights are just too, much . . . . Age never seems to arrest their lust for a filled ~Treasure Chest ~ !!
This song verges on being sexual doesn't it. Something about a horny french candlestick serving dinner for an ensalved house guest I guess makes the parodist inside us all think sexually. I mean there's this, there's Phil's, there's Kristof's "Sex(i)est", there's my "She Loves Meat"... What is it with this song and sex?!?!?! Anyways... This was great Invisible Boy, not the best I've seen you accomplish, but great nevertheless.
Matthias - there's also this one (my first take on this OS, originally posted at whatfreaks before I did a slightly expurgated variant): http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/beautyandthebeastjerryorbachandangelalansbury0.shtml
I know Phil, I mentioned you.
(SOTM) I've been touched.
Fruity 5ives
(S.O.T.M.) Excellent
(ABC4-T) First I thought this one was gonna be rude. And it was. But then it got to the old lady bit, and then I realised it was THE most hilarious naughty parody of BOG (the word 'the' is emphasized for obvious reasons - and it's the security code). 555 touches for you!
(ABC) awesome stuff, IB - you got every "est" rhyme in there, plus some, and wangled context around all of them - as Spaff says, this is the OS for showing off and you did it proud (on your way to the Big 7 no doubt) - some beautiful wordplay too "I’m a virgin who is vergin’" - top class masterful stuff - 555
BOG parodies are common, though basing them on the full broadway version is pretty rare. This was hilarious and my favorite lines were 'I’m a virgin who is vergin’, "I met you and schwing-a-rama!" and the clever "two abreast". Big 5s IB
I still feel the way I did earlier. There were a lot of funny lines in here, but I'm tired of reading sexual Be Our Guest parodies so nothing personal and I'm sure a ton of people love this song and you'll probably even podium with it in SOTM (Due to the original song, and as Red Ant said this original song never hasn't podiumed in SOTM) but it still wasn't a favorite of mine.
(ABC4T) Pure titillation here. Even though this OS has been done to death on this site - me included - this is one of the better ones I've seen.
ABC- Schwing-A-Rama? Okay.. Gotta say I love any parody that utilizes many euphemisms for ta-tas. very funny and well done, IB.
(ABC) Pretty funny, I have more to say--but I have to come back to this for SOTM, so I'll save it for there.
Great stuff. Another long song! Good pacing and just plain good fun!!
(SOTM-MAY-08)
I believe that I may have commented on this before since it does seem so familiar. I managed dispite it being a BOG to pull off the gold in the last ABC round with the same OS. This is well done for the overdone BOg. With that I would surmise that it deserves some points in this round dispite it being way overdone. Fine wrie IB.
I believe that I may have commented on this before since it does seem so familiar. I managed dispite it being a BOG to pull off the gold in the last ABC round with the same OS. This is well done for the overdone BOg. With that I would surmise that it deserves some points in this round dispite it being way overdone. Fine wrie IB.
(SOTM) See above!
I'm with Matthias about not finding a sexual innuendo parody to this song very original, it was good and all but this is SOTM and I read/sing along with a LOL barrier a tad higher than for everyday submissions. The old lady part was inspired but that too reminded me of a former winner, albeit another one: "Grandma Makes Her Living As a Stripper" - http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/elmoandpatsy4.shtml.
You're not Melhi in disguise, are you?
You're not Melhi in disguise, are you?
See above
Peter: not unless Melhi is a man. =)
"Be Our Guest" is like the site Ferrari: almost everyone takes a spin or two with it, and most people look good driving it. I still like this a lot.
"Be Our Guest" is like the site Ferrari: almost everyone takes a spin or two with it, and most people look good driving it. I still like this a lot.
Wow...awesome job here IB. Great idea to put into the OS, and the humor was there throughout the entire song!
(SOTM) My only quibble here is that the idea has been covered, however your rhyming and puns are fantastic here. As Ant said, no matter how many people do this song, it seems everyone does a good job with it.
I thought I commented on this before. I'm certain I've read it. Very funny and very punny, IB. Glad you also joined the 'Guest' club this year, and here's 5s for your good cause.
I don't know what ever happened to this guy but this is over the top funny
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