As I trudge up the stairs through the hallway of death
I take a look all around and see that clutter’s still there
And it’s been starin' me down for so long that
Even my own mind’s grown legs and run away

There’s a playhouse in its box that’s never been opened
And some clothes in their bags with the tags still attached, eh
I better watch how I’m walkin’ and where I’m steppin’
Or I may step on an uneaten pizza

I’d really hate to trip and break a bone, yo
Have 9-1-1 called and be rushed to the E.R., fool
I’m the kinda kid the other family wants to be like
With the patience and time to clean out the entire house

Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleaning out this hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleaning out this hoarder’s paradise

I hate the situation I may be facin’
I can’t live a normal life surrounded by clutter
On the bright side I’m used to the pet squirrels
And the raccoons comin’ over to eat all my food

After my shift today I contacted A&E
Spoke with a producer, invited him over
After I told him ‘bout my situation
He initiated a coffee date at my house, fool

But the coffee maker’s clogged with fungus
So we'll just go to the coffee house instead
I’m twenty-five now, but will I live to see twenty-six
With the fumes I breathe in I don’t know

Tell what you’d need those razors for
You already have a ‘lectric one

Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleanin’ out this hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleanin’ out this hoarder’s paradise

CDs or the cassettes, cassettes or the CDs
Sure don’t need an 8-track when you’ve got an iPod
Everybody’s wond’rin why you don’t just sell this stuff
And put the profits that you’d make into a good bank account

Peeps say they can’t get through every time they come to our house
If they cannot get through, then why should they come
I guess they can’t, I guess they won’t
I guess I’ll spend the rest of my life as a bored hermit, fool

Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Been livin’ most my life in this right here hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleanin’ out this hoarder’s paradise
Spendin’ my energy cleanin’ out this hoarder’s paradise

Tell me what you’d need those bike parts for
They’re all rusty and therefore useless
Tell me why you’d need those dusty dolls
There’s no one we know that collects dolls