You've surfed for contraband - been online with just one hand
You've browsed for one or two million mammary glands
Your cache ain't beige and lame - then no bother, you'd be game
But everything's not so if you die unplanned

It's a mess - can't leave it to your father
Second best - might need to ask your brother
You feel stressed - can't leave it to your mother
If you're blessed - a true friend cleans your history

You live a life aflutter and you nibble when you browse
You've built a browser history to disavow
By chance you came upon - the Necronomicon
But worse than that's the dick pic to your vicar's mom

Off your chest - can't leave it to your grandpa
Recrudesce - can't ask it of your sister
Like the rest - can't leave it to your grandma
If you're blessed - a true friend wipes your history

Some days you've stretched your fiber, to where the news are fake
You've been a chubby chaser, and trolled big fruitcakes
You pirated her mugshot, when Hillary went down
Hacked anchovies pizza to your old band camp

If addressed - you'd be so very danke
Girls undressed - weapons, drugs, bukake
Hentai quest - you've drawn a debt on Kraken
If you're blessed - a true friend nukes your history

(And the rest is of course a deleted repeat chorus)